on a level of being Lost

To begin with, I would like to thank those who have taken some time and expressed their thoughts by mailing a card. Although I have some emotional difficulty in opening them they are appreciated. One card that I received was from our friends Luise and David and their sons who live outside of St. John's, Newfoundland. The front of the card simply says "Memories" in nice calligraphy. It took me 20 minutes to turn to the inside of the card. The days here in Oxford Station are quiet and lonely and very, very sad. Laurie is home in a beautiful urn. I brought her back before Christmas day.  There is a candle that burns day and night and I find some peace in this. I feel most at ease when I simply sit in the living room close to her. I am sorry to write that I have not been very diligent in responding to emails or responding to telephone call messages. Right now I have bad days, really bad days and horrible days. Sometimes I think that better days will come but right now it is difficult to get through one. I cry quite often. I get frustrated with things. I sit staring out of the window on a forest that Laurie loved. I keep asking the same question of why Laurie was taken away from me, from us, from the natural world that she so much belonged in. Looking at photographs frequently brings tears.  Other activities are difficult. Cooking two eggs rather than four, three pieces of bacon rather than seven and making just half a pot of coffee are reminders that Laurie is now someplace else. I am falling asleep in the evenings on the living room sofa and wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes I just stay there until morning. Life without Laurie just seems unreal, surreal and I am feeling how people feel when they lose someone that they love. Two colleagues who went with Laurie on an arctic field trip wrote that they "...would have been lost without Laurie there...". I feel the way that they did....simply a level of being lost. 

I wrote and posted Laurie's notice of passing in both the Ottawa Citizen and the Globe and Mail December 22nd 2012 edition newspapers. It was also printed in the Alliston Herald, the town paper where Laurie spent many childhood years. You may access the Citizen and the Globe and Mail websites and read the notice. After the notice was posted, the Ottawa Citizen science writer got in touch. He is currently researching and writing an article on Laurie and her work as a botanist. I am uncertain as to when the article will appear but it will likely be quite soon.

I have been spending time reviewing photos and images of Laurie over the years. Just last night I finally found the box of slides taken on our trips to Cuba in 1994, England in 1994, Scotland in 1996 and on our first trip to New Zealand and Australia in 1998. The box was in the far corner of the basement at the bottom of a column of other boxes....basically the last box to look for in a basement full of packed boxes. The contents of every box is labelled on the outside so I did not need to open each box. I have five binders to look through now and I will create a digital image of the slides that have Laurie in them using a converter. The converter can also create an image from a film negative and I have spent lots of time doing this.  It is too bad that some of the older photos do not have anything written on the back....a date or location especially would have been good. I notice that the pictures of when Laurie was a baby and as a young girl had the date printed on the border. What a good idea that for some reason got dropped by the print developers as time went by. There will be photos of Laurie at the memorial service which brings me to the next subject.

Laurie's memorial service will be held on Saturday, April 6th, 2013. The visitation will commence at 12:30 and the service will begin at 1:30. After the service there will be food and refreshments. The location of the service is the McGarry Family Home Central Chapel at 315 McLeod Street, Ottawa, Ontario. O'Connor is the cross street and The Canadian Museum of Nature is located very nearby. For those wishing that their thoughts or memories be read at the service then please contact me. A friend of Laurie's will read these during the service. I know that Laurie had many friends and colleagues who live around the world so having their words there would be very nice.  If you feel that you would like to participate in any way at the service then please get in touch. I am thinking of the program now and would like you to contact me by the middle of February if possible. If you have any photographs in slide, film or digital format then please let me know. I have not decided on a designated charity for those wishing to contribute something in Laurie's memory. I will have an organization selected by the time of the service.  All correspondence may be sent to - "carpe_diem@xplornet.com".

I have been asked questions like "What am I going to do now?" or "Will you stay in Oxford Station?" Right now I am really only thinking about Laurie's service as I want it to be a wonderful tribute to a wonderful and beautiful woman. I try not to think of anything beyond arranging the memorial service as that is really the only important thing in my life now.

Mark