Welcome!

Laurie had a serious brain lesion that was surgically removed on July 24, 2011. It was uncertain exactly what the disease was and to me, these days were really the fight for her life. After the surgery, Laurie spent two weeks in an Ottawa, Ontario hospital. This period was full of events relating directly to her and to other patients and aspects going on in the hospital during her stay. Laurie came home on Friday, August 5th, 2011. Since being at home, events have settled into a routine but not without the ups and downs of recuperating with a rare brain tumour. Her story is one of hope, struggle, patience and above all, courage. The current update is presented at the top of the page with her day-by-day story presented from the bottom upwards.
This story also has pictures of Laurie. She is a woman of many interests and dimensions. She and I love to travel and September has been our favourite time of year to do so. The trips taken over the past six or seven years have seen us in places like western and central Scotland, Iceland, the Faroe Islands, New Zealand, Australia, Cape Breton, Charlevoix, Ireland and to Newfoundland a couple of times. The first things that Laurie always packs are her plant press, silica gel bags, binoculars, loupe, botany reference books, bird books, hiking books, note books and always a good raincoat. If there is any room left she packs some clothes. You can usually recognize her at the airport because she is one with three or four layers of clothing on.

Saturday 24 December 2011

Merry Christmas from home!

 
Laurie is now home. We left the hospital on Tuesday evening (Dec. 20) moving slowly along the corridor in a wheelchair. She is much more comfortable at our home and is enjoying peace and quiet that simply can not be found in a hospital ward.  I am so glad that she is home for Christmas. We received about 1 to 2 cm of snow last night which hopefully will remain to give us a white Christmas. Our new year begins with an appointment with the chemotherapy oncologist. There are no plans for further radiation that I know of. Laurie will need to continue to battle hard, so very very hard, in 2012. I will endeavour to keep the blog up to date as much as I can. This depends on many things of course - the first being to help Laurie in whatever it is that needs to be done.
 
Thank you to those who have supported Laurie in one way or another since July when her illness became known. Whether it be an email, a telephone call, a card or flowers Laurie has been receiving these messages of hope, prayer and best wishes with interest. It helps me to know that so many people are thinking of Laurie.
 
Enjoy your holiday season and we offer you our wishes for a happy and healthy new year.
 
Best regards and Merry Christmas from Oxford Station -
 
Mark and Laurie

Tuesday 20 December 2011

communication is key!

I have formulated some conclusions based on extensive empirical study. One - two out of five nurses are competent enough to nurse. Two - common sense and communication, particularly by nurses, is so important but also so very lacking. Three - time budgeting is a mystery to which no adequate or convincing explanation has been given. Four - the ratio of nurses to patients does not mean a whole lot. And fifth, stay away from the grilled food in the cafeteria including the visually and olfactory appealing stir-fry dishes. The experiences of today only served to support these conclusions.
 
However, the main subject of the update is of course Laurie's present health. Much has happened since the last posting. Laurie was moved to the seventh floor Neurological Inpatients Area on December 12th sometime after I had left that evening. There was some scuttlebutt about the NOA that Laurie would be moved but this had been cancelled on at least two occasions when I pursued the subject. Apparently, the cost of having a patient in the NOA is $1,200 per day. However, my information source may be as reliable as some of the nursing staff and be way off (OK - I won't dwell on this topic...).  So, arriving on Tuesday, December 13th I found myself in Laurie's room which offered a nice view towards Agriculture Canada. She knew this and realized that her grasses were close by in a green house.
 
Now being up on the seventh floor Laurie was set to receive some physio and occupational therapy. She has had visits by these people each day since being there and in the eyes of these people she is getting stronger and healthier and able to indicate progress in several areas. Her appetite is very good with three pretty good efforts each day at eating the food which is typically ground - ground chicken / beef / turkey with mushy peas / carrots / broccoli  and cream soups of the mushroom / carrot / broccoli variety. She is consuming a high protein liquid beverage produced by a major pharmaceutical company in Canada. She is eating desserts - usually a fruit (pieces or in crisp form) and a pudding / Bavarian mousse. Fruit juices prevail as does milk and water. The feeding tube that Laurie endured for so long was removed on December 15th. It seemed that the removal of the tape caused her more discomfort than did the removal of the 70 mm length of plastic hose. I sort of watched the on-goings here but was just happy that this day had come and she turned another corner. Generally, she remains very quiet but seemingly to understand or follow a conversation. Her speech was the most difficult element to come back after her first operation and it appears to be the hardest as well now.
 
We had a visit from a staff member of her radiation oncology team and also from the chemotherapy oncologist himself. The main point of what I was told was that Laurie's surgeon and the oncologists were laying out the ground work for the next step(s). At this time the plan has not been disseminated to me. However, it seems that Laurie may have more of the Temodal and for more days in a month than the previous session of receiving it (five days each month). I did ask to speak with the surgeon today (Dec. 19) and apparently he would see me late this afternoon. However, he did not come by the room. Hopefully he will tomorrow and I will be able to get answers for the five questions I have prepared.
 
On Saturday, December 17, Lisa, (ed. note: Laurie's sister), returned. I told Laurie the day before that she was to have a visitor on Saturday. About 10:45, Lisa arrived. Laurie opened an eye a while later, but did not recognize her and she drifted back to sleep. An hour later, at lunch time, Laurie realized who was there and she smiled and seemed quite pleased. During Lisa's vigilance, I snuck out and got the oil changed in the car and had some lunch in the cafeteria (the lemon sole is recommended). As is typical, Laurie is not alone until past 19:30 or so. Earlier in the week, I left at 23:00 as the nursing staff must have been attending a conference or a Christmas party someplace and there was no one to help her (sorry but I can't help this.)
 
Lisa drove up to the hospital first thing on Sunday morning (Dec. 18). She was there to get a great parking spot and to assist Laurie with breakfast. I did a fairly massive shopping expedition to the local grocery store. What a good time to shop actually. There were as many store employees working as there were customers. Not only did I get the choice of a great parking spot and some the vegetables, I actually was able to buy some stuff on sale that usually has been long gone whenever I shop. So, a few hundred dollars later (about five carry bags worth) I headed to the house and found space in the refrigerators and freezers for everything. Then, I was off to Ottawa to join Laurie and her sister.
 
We had a nice time together. Lisa departed in mid-afternoon for her drive back to Gravenhurst. Fortunately, the weather here has been amiable to driving but it sure does get dark here fast (yes, I know, the Winter Solstice is darn soon). I stayed until about 19:40 and made it home by 20:20. I wish the drive every day was like it is on Sundays.
 
Today (Dec. 19) was a tough day for various reasons. However, a lack of common-sense, poor time allocation between patients and non-communication issues will inevitably lead to various disappointments. In particular, Laurie has been moved from a comfortable, (as much as you could get I guess), room with one other woman to a room with two other women. I couldn't get a satisfactory reason for this change from the nurse. So, I packed the meager belongings that we have for Laurie there in preparation for a move later in the day. After Laurie's lunch, I wrote a note to the nurse indicating that I would be back by 13:40 as I was going to the cafeteria in search of lunch. When I got back to the room at 13:35 or so, Laurie was gone. Good grief. The nurse could have told me that Laurie was being moved imminently and I would have stayed. So, I got pretty huffy and puffy when asking where Laurie was. The morning nurse did later apologize for this but I could not accept her explanations very well. I was pretty miffed then and continued to be when Laurie's new nurse seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time elsewhere. This nurse was supposed to have four patients. Three were in the room where Laurie was. So, I presume that she spent 80% of her time in another room with the other patient. My blood pressure reading would have been impressively high at this point.
 
Towards 19:00 and nurse shift change the nurse gave the lady beside Laurie a hot cup of tea and then she left. So, about two minutes later, this woman is screaming about 1 meter away from Laurie. Well, she dropped the tea cup on her chest and was getting scalded. Ummm, maybe the nurse should be enrolled in Common Sense 101 again. I got a hold of a nurse by going into the hallway and they took over. The nurse alarm for this patient was no where in reach. These events give an idea why I spend so much time at the hospital. Laurie has a big enough hill to climb without all of these types of daily obstacles popping up for her to resolve.  
 
I do not know if Laurie will be coming home for Christmas. I cannot see her remaining there much longer given that there are no medical interventions taking place. She has no IVs, no daily blood tests, no more than one or two BP and temperature readings a day and no heart monitoring. She is eating well and walking a little. Bed rest is part of the equation and she can certainly do this much better at home. At one point in time, it was mentioned that Laurie may go to the local hospital near our home to convalesce. I have not heard anything for a few days now on this and I can't imagine her being moved there at this point. For some reason, in the back of my mind, I feel that they will tell me tomorrow (Dec. 20) that Laurie is being discharged. A day's notice would help but I am prepared for this outcome.  Laurie is certainly not in the Christmas spirit but I will try and make the best of holiday for her whether she is in the hospital or at home. The presents that I have bought her (I always pick things up over the course of the year and squirrel them away) are in a packed-away box in the basement. I guess that I can always gift wrap a 500 ml tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.
 
We have received an impressive number of Christmas and get-well (again) cards. I have not opened any of these yet. I will wait for Laurie to be here and I know that she will enjoy this thoughtful and often overlooked or undervalued part of the holidays.  I do hope to have another update posted by this Friday to let you know how and where Laurie is. Did I mention that the nurses will be on a holiday schedule starting Friday......
 

Monday 12 December 2011

Long and winding road....under some construction.

The long and winding road. Like all roads, Laurie's road to recovery is leading somewhere. After what feels like a four-day weekend at the hospital, I can report that Laurie is going uphill, albeit in first gear and but finding her way into second. An important element in her gradual improvement since Friday has been the presence of her sister, Lisa. Lisa arrived on Friday about noon and has sat with Laurie and I up until late this evening (Dec. 11). Laurie gave us a smile when Lisa arrived. So many brain activities had to happen for her to do this.  It is nice for both Laurie and I to have Lisa with us and we hope that she may be able to return to Ottawa soon.
 
Laurie has remained in the same single bed room in the NOA ward. I am very pleased with the level of care that Laurie received from both the day and night nurses on Saturday and Sunday (Dec. 11). If I ever find myself needing hospitalization and nursing then please send her weekend nurses my way. They were compassionate, understanding, professional and practical. They understood Laurie's needs and Lisa's and mine as well. The weekend doctor was also very helpful in many ways. Everyone involved in Laurie's care, including the orderlies, were excellent over the weekend. I sincerely hope that tomorrow will be a continuation of this.
 
On Saturday Laurie had another MRI scan. This involved transferring her to a gurney from her nice hospital bed and being taken down one floor in a small elevator. She is not comfortable in getting the MRI due to the length of time that it takes and the noise it creates. I sit just outside of the room and could use some ear protection myself. She does receive a headset that minimizes the bass noise. The scanning procedure takes about 45 minutes from the start of the bed transfer to the return to the NOA. After the scan was done, Laurie was wheeled down a hallway with varying light intensities and noises. She showed signs of becoming sick at one point and a friend of ours who happened to be there resourcefully found a little baby washing pan (think Christmas turkey) and Laurie used this. My heart breaks whenever something like this happens to her.
 
Laurie's swelling and facial colouration were greatly reduced, if you contrasted between Friday morning and Sunday night. This improvement has also allowed her to reopen her left eye and at times it is more open than her right. Her bandage was removed that covered her suture involving 35 aluminium staples. She is still tethered to numerous pieces of equipment including one or two IV drips, a heart monitor, a blood oxygen monitor, blood pressure equipment and a nasal feeding tube. The PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) was removed on Saturday but she still has, intermittently, a urinary catheter. With all of these wires and hoses coming from her one would think that she was a character in a movie involving cyborgs. The multiple daily visits by the nurse included an assessment of her strength. Her arms, hands, legs and feet are slowly getting stronger. This is due in large part, I think, to the fact that she is receiving a highly nutritional beverage on an ongoing basis. As she was not able to physically chew and swallow, this method of feeding was started and with some early success. Her memory is slowly getting better. She does not speak very much but when she does it is done purposely. For instance, a "good morning" and a "good bye" were said today but with very little spoken in-between. Although her speech is very limited, it is cognitive speech and fully understandable.
 
She remains in her bed throughout the day. The weekend staff ensured that she was as comfortable as possible and were particularly interested in addressing any issues related to headaches. Laurie does give an indication when she is experiencing pain and this was responded to using codeine or Tylenol. I am pleased to say that these administrations are not that frequent and they appear to be effective.
 
Laurie will likely have a CT scan early in the coming week. I have not talked to the doctor about her Saturday MRI but will likely hear something on Dec. 12th or 13th. She continues to take medication for the reduction of the swelling in her head and for reducing the chance of having a seizure. These are drugs that she been taking at home but now they are given in higher dosages. She continues to wear the "squeezers" and is on a blood thinner too. Both of these measures are in place to reduce the chances of a blood clot occurring. So, as you have read, there are many things taking place at this point. Perhaps the most intrusive is the twice daily taking of blood samples. This is something that I have a great deal of difficulty with. Tonight, Laurie had three samples taken from each arm using needles. The nurse was excellent at finding the veins but it does create a lot of stress for Laurie. I understand that these samples will likely be obtained once per day beginning shortly. If Laurie has any sign of a fever then the blood is also subjected to culture testing.
 
The one big difference between Laurie's first post-operative time and this one is that she is much weaker. I attribute this to her having had thirty radiation sessions along with chemotherapy followed by a recent five day period of high chemotherapy treatment. These must have reduced her strength in multiple ways and her recovery is affected by this. Thus, as the surgeon said, Laurie needs more time to heal. The surgeon did see Laurie on both Dec. 10th and 11th. He asked her a few questions and seemed to be satisfied with Laurie's responses, whether verbally or physically. I am hoping that the therapists take it slowly with Laurie this coming week. I realize the need for her to begin to move about and talk but these must be approached carefully and respectfully.
 
I have received many emails recently asking how Laurie is doing. I hope that those who have written and those who are reading along about Laurie's Road to Recovery find the some comfort in this update. I know that I am feeling better as Laurie undoubtedly is about her progress. Minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day, I see just how much courage Laurie has in her.
 
A Brief Note From Lisa:   Mark had asked me to proofread this and said I could add something if I notice that it was missed.   (Hopefully that means he won't delete it after he sees it ! )    Spending the past 3 days at the hospital with Laurie has made me realize how amazingly patient and selfless Mark has been throughout this entire ordeal.   Day after day of sitting, waiting for a few minutes of awake time to exchange a smile, worrying, asking questions, making sure the level of care never falters and feeling Laurie's pain everytime blood is taken or a bandage is removed (the weekend nurse called it "a free wax job") has taken a toll on him as well.    
 
At one point Mark was leaning on the rail of the bed, holding Laurie's hand and he nodded off.   At that point Laurie opened her eyes and looked at me.  I pointed at Mark.  She looked over at him, looked back at me and smiled, then continued to watch him until he woke up and realized he had 'been caught napping".  That she was able to see the humour of the situation was a good indicator to me that she is on the right 'winding road', albeit slow with some construction along the way.   Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  

Friday 9 December 2011

Better tomorrow.......and the day after that....

As anticipated, Laurie has undergone a second procedure, that is, another brain operation. This took place on Tuesday, December 6th at the Ottawa Civic Hospital. They certainly did not fool around once she was admitted and properly diagnosed. Her surgery took a couple of hours. If you read back through the blog to the beginning, you pretty much know what took place then and it is essentially the same now, with one significant difference.
Right now, Laurie is not very responsive. For the last two days she has eaten virtually nothing and spoken only a few words.  What words she very inaudibly said, were in response to her doctor or a nurse who spoke quite loudly.  Getting her to drink water is a challenge. She shows very limited strength in her right arm and leg. Her vital signs appear to be alright, although there are some fluctuations taking place in temperature and blood pressure. She is on pain relievers, IV drips and pills or intravenous drugs to combat the swelling in her brain. She has a PICC line inserted to help minimize the taking of blood samples with new needles and the injection of some drugs. Her face is extremely swollen and red as it was last July after surgery. Ice once again helps to reduce the puffiness and hopefully provide comfort.
I spoke with her surgeon tonight. He feels that the CT scan taken yesterday looks alright. I spent about five minutes this morning with another doctor looking at the scans and listening to him explain the situation. It helps to be informed but this does not reduce my apprehension. There is some swelling in the brain that they are working on reducing using drugs. I think that the surgeon saw how distraught I was tonight and said that "it takes time". I can not help comparing the present to Laurie's first battle with the tumour. She seemed to cope better right after her first surgery as I recall seeing some progress almost each day. I do not see the same now but I need to remain as patient and calm and optimistic as I can. This has not been at all easy for Laurie and I wonder just how much she may be aware of what is taking place around her.
There are no plans that I know of to move her from the Neurological Observation Area. She is to get an MRI soon and that is all that I can pass along at this point. She has had visits from both the physiological staff and the speech therapist but I kindly asked them to return another day.  My feeling is that these kinds of professional services may be a long way off still. I keep thinking that the doctor is right in that Laurie's improvement will just take more time. I have to believe in this.
I feel somewhat apologetic for such a brief summary but this is about I can write for now. Please believe along with me that Laurie will be better tomorrow and the day after that and the days and weeks to follow.

Monday 5 December 2011

Positive energy, angels and prayer urgently needed

Laurie has taken a U-turn on the road to recovery. It is something that she, nor I expected. However, there were recently indications that she was not doing as well as hoped.
 
On the morning of December 4th we went to the local hospital since Laurie was unable to remember very much at all. Recently, we travelled to this same hospital but these visits were connected to her fever more than anything else. The issue of her failing memory was expressed though.  However, after about a three and one-half hour stint at the local hospital, we were told to go to the Ottawa Civic Hospital where they were expecting us.  Well, not so much as expecting us since they really did not know we were coming there. So, we waited there and after an excruciatingly long time in the large waiting room we went to the "Urgent Care" area where we waited another eon or two. So much for the naming convention. We saw a variety of nurses and doctors and administrative people who asked the same questions to which we gave the same answers. Eventually an intern neurological man sat down with us and started the important work.
 
Finally, someone felt that Laurie should be admitted. Top marks for good judgment.  Well, in my view I was not in a position to take her back home anyways. So, she went to the same area that she spent her first night in hospital back in July. I left late Saturday (Dec. 3) night with the feeling that we were beginning her journey all over again. She seems a little better than the previous time but still she is very ill and I am very concerned.
 
Today I arrived to find that she was moved to opposite side of the Observation Area. This is quite a busy ward and activities go far beyond simply observation. She was not permitted to eat or drink. She was hooked up to an IV and monitors - all as before. On Saturday she had two CT scans, one with the contrast and one without. Then today she had another MRI, with contrast. She is having blood samples taken every eight hours and her medication dosages are far higher than taken at home. She also gets these drugs intravenously. She is being checked every four hours for vital signs and cognitive things by the nurse. She looks so small in that big hospital bed and all of the instruments that are attached to different parts of her.
 
Late this morning (Dec. 4) Laurie was transferred to the Neurological Observation Area (NOA) which I know quite well. She is comfortably resting in a single room and has pretty much full-time nursing care. She slept the good part of the day but we did talk a little. I spoke with three doctors there who said that it is likely that surgery will be done soon - possibly on Monday (Dec. 5). The head surgeon on her first operation team back in July will be in Monday morning and a decision will be made as to her treatment plan. Apparently, a second surgery will be less invasive than the first and likely not take as much time. However, there is always risk here that these assumptions may not turn out as planned.
 
I do not understand how, having gone through all of the radiation sessions and her chemotherapy treatment, that the tumour can actually be larger in size. Both oncologists have never really addressed the recent symptoms even though I was reporting memory issues once again as recently as ten days ago. She has spent so many days in recovery and been through so much since July. I cry when I think of everything that she was encountered and dealt with, and we have returned to the beginning.
 
So, as of now I am at a loss. The hands of time have been turned back four months. It is not a bad dream. It is reality of the worst kind. I keep trying to remain as optimistic as I can but it is very difficult to think beyond what tomorrow may bring. I will provide updates when I can but this may prove difficult in more ways than one.  Please think of Laurie and send her your positive energy and prayers.

Tuesday 29 November 2011

a detour....

Since the last update ten days ago, Laurie's health has deteriorated. To some degree we thought she would have a hard time with her second round of chemotherapy. Her dosage was higher than round one and her anti-nausea pill was of a stronger variety. She was, fortunately, not physically sick from her chemotherapy. Her temperature variation is the main concern. Normally, our temperature varies daily but the range is usually in the order of about 0.5 degrees Centigrade. Laurie's temperature is all over the map and the road to recovery has taken a detour.
 
We had eight appointments last week which made our week very tiring. Included in these was an MRI. The MRI was taken to see what impact the radiation and the chemotherapy might have had. Her radiation ended on October 17th so the MRI should show something in terms of the success of her treatments. The oncologist said that the MRI is showing that the perimeter of the tumour is in fact a little larger than the first MRI showed - before her treatments. The size of the area is about that of a Kinder Surprise. The surprise is that there appears to be nothing inside - the inside area is basically devoid of the cancer cells. Hard to explain and fathom. Another MRI will be scheduled for within the next two months.
 
It is 12:15 and I am stopping the planned update for a while. We are going to the local hospital again. Laurie's temperature is about 38C (100.4F) so under the instructions given by the oncologist we are heading out. The hospital is about a ten minute drive and we have no idea who to expect to be there on an early Sunday afternoon.
 
Well, the ER waiting room was empty, as was the staff counter and triage. After a few minutes the nurse came and checked Laurie in and did some preliminary tests and asked questions. Her temperature was 38.3C. And so, off to the ER consultation room. Fortunately for us, and the local residents I guess, the ER consultation rooms were empty. The doctor promptly arrived and after a series of questions, not so long ago asked by the nurse, Laurie needed to have a blood sample. How many nurses does it take to get a blood sample? One? Two? Three? Well, you would be right if you guessed three. Her arms look like she was in the middle of Labrador during the height of the black fly season with the various pricking and swelling on both arms and hands. The third nurse I felt had an air of confidence and demeanour that I welcomed. So, the blood began to flow into a number of vials.  It takes about 30 to 40 minutes for the results to come back. During this time Laurie simply rested on the bed and nearly fell asleep. I worried.
 
The doctor came in and said the blood test results looked alright. She had also called the oncologist at the General Hospital about Laurie's condition. He had in fact observed Laurie a while ago. One solution he said was to give her antibiotics. So the doctor was going to give us a prescription. "But wait" I said "Laurie already is on antibiotics". Well, this was news to the doctor and asked why it was not on Laurie's list of medications. I told her that we had not been asked for these. You would have thought that the on-call oncologist would have looked at Laurie's file and seen she was given antibiotics last week. Good grief.
 
So, without further ado, the doctor said that we can go. But, I had taken Laurie's temperature a few minutes before the doctor had arrived and it was about 39C. I can't understand why Laurie's temperature would not have been taken before leaving seeing that she entered the hospital with one. So, the nurse #1 came back in and yes, the temperature was 38.9C. They left two Tylenols with her to take and said we could leave. Seeing that the place was empty, I don't understand why they would not have said something like "Well, Laurie should stay here for a while and we'll see if her temperature falls. This way, you will likely feel better, especially if you get home and feel that you need to come here again". Thus, we left. Laurie was a little shaky walking out but glad that we went to the hospital. Apparently, the chemotherapy oncologist himself will call us tomorrow for a follow-up chat or perhaps visit.
 
Back to the week that was. Laurie also had an X-ray. This was done to see if she was developing any pneumonia that might account for her wild swings in temperature. After this was done we met with her chemo oncologist who described the MRI results and prescribed the antibiotics (but did he record this on the file?). Under normal circumstances, these events would not be so bad. However, Laurie is totally fatigued and usually running some level of fever. I am very frustrated of course and concerned. Our sleep has been very poor this last week and she is once again having difficulty in find words. This is quite sad since her speech was significantly better six weeks ago. I asked the oncologist about Laurie getting a flu shot. He felt this was a good idea but it should be done while she is on her chemotherapy cycle. Her immune system will be weakened between the cycles and it would be good to have the vaccine right away. So, we booked an appointment for the following day and she had her needle (I think she did but I can't actually watch).
 
We did go to the local hospital early last week due to the high fever issue. They did blood work and handed us a report indicating that for the most part there was nothing to be alarmed about. They released her without taking her temperature but I knew it was below the threshold because I carry a thermometer with me now and took it while she was waiting for the blood analysis report.  We also saw her GP who spent a good fifteen minutes with us. We had a list of questions which she was able to provide some answers.
 
The general picture of Laurie's past ten days has been painted. Not many bright colours I am afraid to say. She been going down a detour on her road to recovery I think. Both she and I are concerned about her well-being at the moment. Her hair continues to fall out rather than grow. Her eyes are very seldom more than half open. Her sentences trail off without her conveying her thoughts. All in all, a real tough week. I think that it is one of, if not the most, difficult week we had experienced since being back at home in early August.
 
The week ahead is currently open. This may change tomorrow if we are to see the oncologist again about the fever situation. Apparently, Laurie can take two of the Tylenols every six hours if required. I am hoping that these will not be necessary but needless to say we have a large bottle of them on hand. We have in fact accumulated a size number of empty pill bottles of various sizes and colours and trick lids. She is taking only a few medications now that she is between chemotherapy cycles. I keep wondering about the effects of all these different drugs and the interactions that probably have not been thoroughly studied.
 
Again - thank you to those who have forwarded cards to Laurie and for the emails that continue to arrive. I am happy that there are others who continue to think of her at a time when things were to be improving and her life returning to normal.  I hope that I will be able to report more positive news in the next update. Just think of this as your normal CBC evening news report....

Thursday 17 November 2011

Writing the last update on October 31st seems like it was just yesterday. Time is moving very slowly here. Fortunately, the movement of autumn into winter is also moving at a glacial pace. We are appreciating this abnormally warm and pleasant November and are hoping for a continuation of the same. We are pretty much at home most of the time now that the radiation sessions ended on October 17th. It is almost four months now that Laurie's illness became evident to us. A newly posted photo shows Laurie just ten days ago out bird-watching. She is looking much better and she feels that most of her days are OK. Still she has some bad days though but we all have those.  A bad day generally means very little activity or interest in things and difficulty in finding words or phrases. Looking back on her journey I am pleased to report that these bad days are outnumbered by the good ones. Two other recently posted photos show Laurie after her surgery. They are not the most pleasant or flattering of pictures but they are part of Laurie's journey.  It is amazing to see the difference that four months make in her well-being.
 
 We went into the local clinic for some blood work and have recently seen the chemotherapy oncologist. This was an important meeting and is leading up to Laurie resuming her chemotherapy pills. This second phase begins on Monday, November 21st. The drugs cost nearly $2,000 for the five days and again we are happy that our cost is about the same as a large Tim Horton's coffee. Depending on the success of this phase, she will undergo more of these each month for five additional months. She will be having monthly blood work done. The blood test results are shared among both oncologists, her GP and her surgeon. We are looking for a convergence of opinion on the diagnostics and treatment plan.
 
We are quite happy with Dr. N. who is her oncologist. He is quite punctual and shakes both our hands upon reception and departure. He is interested in knowing how Laurie is feeling and is very attentive to what she reports. He is excellent at explaining elements in her treatment plan and encouraging in her progress. We are glad that he is part of her cancer team. Dr. N. reported all indications are that Laurie is recovering as well as could be expected. She is very tired most days although we do make the effort to take a walk each day. Her tiredness is likely more attributable to the radiation rather than the pills she takes each day. Given this, it is expected that she will begin to feel less tired in the coming weeks as the time gap widens since her final radiation session. We put up the bird, er squirrel, feeder last week and she is enjoying the assortment of wildlife now arriving there. She is recording the species of birds and critters on a list that we have been using for many years now. She is quite attentive to this and will sit watching the goings on and commenting on things. She is also proactive in writing the day's events which I had begun back in July.
 
She is continuing to contribute to some household tasks in the kitchen and tinkering with things now and again, here and there. We usually play cribbage every day and it is a sort of gauge of her cognitive levels. One day she may have difficulty in counting and concentrating and the next day she is much better at these things. She continues to read most days. We have gone to the greenhouse to trim, water and talk to her grasses. I am pleased to report that they seem quite happy, especially now that the really warm weather is behind them. 
 
The next MRI is scheduled for next week. This is something that should help to monitor Laurie's situation but we have been told that it may be too early to really get a good picture of things. These MRIs will continue to be an integral part of her future. We are also penciled in to meet her surgeon in December. She is planning to bake some cookies for him which inevitably I will need to perform some quality assessment. Later this week, Laurie is attending a two hour "Look good, Feel good" workshop for women who have cancer. This is something that she requested and we are happy that is going on at this time. This is a female only event so I will find something to do at the hospital for this time.
 
I am doing my best to balance my time over the various activities here. Caring for Laurie is undoubtedly the priority. I am endeavouring to help out those at the office as much as I can. This work is frequently done late in the evenings and during the weekend. Keeping up with housework is critically important too. If this work lapses then one tends to get a feeling of being overwhelmed. We continue to be thankful for the six hours of home care that we are usually receiving each week. However, there have been some significant communication issues with the health care provider here. I fail to understand why the scheduling person can not pick up the telephone and call us to let us know what the arrangements are or are not. I have been quite proactive in trying to set up appointments to have someone here with two and three weeks advance asking. You have heard of "Untouchables" and "The Invincibles" but have you heard about "The Unreachables"? This is the one area of Laurie's recovery that I feel is lacking. I have gone up the ladder and eventually spoken with the most senior of people who are not pleased with our situation. They will look into this and find out what has been happening, or rather, not happening. However, I can not really say that there has been any of the promised improvement in communication thus far.
 
I must thank Laurie's colleagues at the Canadian Museum of Nature for their generosity in getting her a gift card. She spent a great deal of time on-line in deciding what she would like to buy. Besides adding some well needed variation to her day, she was pleased to find some programs available on DVD. These include the British TV shows Mindbenders, Kavanagh QC and Lewis. I am equally grateful as I can spend some quality TV time with her knowing that she is enjoying these shows. We continue to watch Inspector Morse each Sunday evening. This is something that we really like to watch even though it is the second time we have been engaged with the series. When I was a young lad, Sunday night programs were The Ed Sullivan Show and Bonanza. I can not recall the starting time of the latter, but I believe it was something like 20:30 or 21:00. If I was good, then I would be able to stay up late and watch Ben, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe and others on Bonanza. The funny thing is I can not really remember many of the episodes. A more recent connection to that show was about three years ago. Laurie and I drove to a man's farmhouse and sat in his kitchen to finalize the paperwork for a car that we sold him. There in the kitchen against the wall was Hop Sing's wooden floor cupboard from the Ponderosa Ranch!
 
I would also like to thank those of you who continue to wish Laurie well along her road to recovery. Cards and emails still arrive which do really brighten her day. Thank you for your thoughts, kindness, best wishes and your prayers. We keep the candle burning.
 

Monday 31 October 2011

The Advent Calendar

 
It was just over three months ago that Laurie underwent her operation. I think of Fridays as a reference point since that is the day of the week that her journey, at least physically, began. Last Friday was a time when I really reflected on what Laurie has had to deal with over the past three months. However, I spend more time now thinking of her future and when she will turn that corner on the road to recovery and become healthy once again.
 
She is very tired these days. She could give Rip Van Rinkle, Dwarf Sleepy and Princess Aurora a good stiff run for the "Who can sleep the longest" competition. Her energy level is minimal but sufficient to get her about the house independently and make a 300 meter walk down the road and back. Her spirit is still rather good. She would like to see her energy level higher and is following doctors' orders (all three of them) in obtaining her strength. Mentally, her memory is getting better. There are still some moments where a word is not placed correctly or she has problems in describing something. These episodes are typically brief and again may be due to her low energy level. I continue to take her temperature twice a day and occasionally her blood pressure. Only once since the last update has she had a bit of a fever and nothing that a Tylenol did not take care of.
 
Her final radiation session took place on October 17th as scheduled. There were many patients in the waiting rooms when the bell sounded about 13:00. Patients and staff acknowledged Laurie's accomplishment with clapping and smiles. We thanked those on her radiation team for their professionalism and compassion over the six weeks she was in their care. That evening was the last of her first round of chemotherapy. Since then, Laurie has been taking her other pills to help reduce any possible swelling that may still be in the brain as well as an anti-seizure pill. Taking these contributes to her being tired. Although the radiation sessions have stopped, the effects of this can continue for many weeks, months in fact. She will be seeing the chemotherapy oncologist in a couple of weeks. We should know when her MRI will be taken as it is not done immediately after the radiation sessions have stopped. By waiting longer, the MRI scans should produce a more accurate image of her brain where radiation was concentrated. She did bring home her radiation alignment mask and I can not honestly say where she has put it. It is something that I really do not wish to see anymore. She has lost much of her hair but continues not to openly fret very much about it. I am gauging the amount of hair loss by what is appearing in the dryer screen and in the shower. 
 
By no long having to drive into Ottawa for her appointments I felt that we would have another three to four hours of quiet time here at the house. In fact, I am not sure how we actually found the time to make those thirty five plus trips and still have time to eat and keep the place here going. I am working more hours now at my job and for the most part this is from the house. We have had two home care visits of about five and one-half hours which permitted me to go into the office and meet my colleagues and pick up some things.  Laurie's health and needs continue to be the number one priority and I am thankful that people at work fully understand this. However, I realize that I need to continue my work even if I do so late into the evening.
 
Time is also being spent on the transitional tasks that the autumn to winter change requires. There are more than I thought but this is likely because they are being condensed into a shorter real time period. Laurie usually has helped with these things but she is not able to do so this year. This frustrates her a little bit but knows that everything will get done. We did decide to empty our other storage locker before the snow and muck that November is notorious for arrives. This job has now been completed but the basement is looking rather like a warehouse with towers of boxes, chairs, furniture and bits and bobs. Is it too late to have a mammoth garage sale?
 
On October 27th we went into Ottawa for Laurie's postponed dental appointment. The dentist's office is very close to the Civic Hospital so the drive there was full of memories over the past few months. The dental staff knew that something had happened to Laurie as it was me who had called to cancel the original appointment in July. We spoke with her dentist who was very careful about Laurie's session and knew that planned X-rays should be postponed. On leaving the receptionist gave Laurie a big hug and wished her and I well. She booked Laurie's next appointment for February 14th and wished us both a very happy Christmas. They will indeed both be very special occasions for us even though Laurie may be a little sleepy.

Friday 14 October 2011

The Silence of Tears

And then there were two. The final two radiation appointments are around the proverbial corner. It has been a long road for Laurie, literally and figuratively. Since the start of her journey on July 22nd, there have been about 36 return trips into Ottawa to reach this point. It would have been a shorter drive to Vancouver for us assuming that serious road detours were not playing against us. Much of the traveling has been relatively peaceful and quiet. We talk; but not a lot. We think about things though. I sometimes ask Laurie what she is thinking about. Her answers are often short.  I don't press her for more information or insight.  She does seem to have interest in pointing out the idiocies taking place in traffic which are numerous and sometimes interesting. Like the time that we were driving north into Ottawa and a car coming onto the south bound 416 (a four lane highway) had stopped and did a U-turn on the highway attempting to go back up the on-ramp. OK - that was interesting. We were glad that we were going in the opposite direction.
 
The twenty-eight radiation sessions have been challenging in several ways. The side-effects become more difficult to deal with as the sessions continue. Her level of energy is quite low and she continues to lose more hair. She has mentioned about getting a wig. She is hopeful that sometime next week her hair will stop falling out and once again begin to grow. The wig comment is taken as light conversation but she is concerned about it.  We have seen her chemotherapy oncologist this past week. He is pleased with her progress and the drugs that she currently takes will end with the last radiation treatment - scheduled for Monday, October 17th. Her chemotherapy drugs cost about $225.00 per day although thanks to employee benefits and some behind the scenes financial contributions we pay only a few cents. Towards the end of November, Laurie will resume her chemotherapy but on a five days per month basis. The dosage may be as much as 2.5 times what she currently takes. The difference is that she takes these pills every day now which makes her uniformly tired. She would likely take the high-dose pills for up to six months; however she will likely be very tired the week the pills are taken.
 
We see her radiation oncologist after her last session. We will find out what the next steps will be. We know, for example, that there will be an MRI taken. I would assume that the future strategy for Laurie's recovery is based on the cancer team's review of blood work and analyses of the various images taken since the first ones were taken in July. For Laurie, she is simply looking forward to not having to make the daily commute into the hospital.  Her surgeon is interested in having a peek at the MRI and a follow-up appointment after that. It is good to know that there are multiple minds involved in Laurie's recovery. It would be good to have a consensus in what her future treatment plan will be with the view of getting her health restored. We continue to ask many questions along the way.
 
And then there were too - too many sleepless nights when only the worst scenarios filled my head. Outwardly, I displayed optimism but alone, at night, my thoughts went from white to black, light to dark and I wondered about the how and why Laurie was struck with brain cancer. I told myself that I would trade places with her, to try and have the courage that she had in her. However, for someone who gets weak-kneed at the sight of a needle, any needle, any where, having enough courage would be a real challenge.
 
For now, Laurie is getting better. Her memory is recovering quite well although short lapses are sometimes apparent. She, and I, are gaining back weight we lost since July. Physically, she is somewhat weakened by the radiation and chemotherapy but this was expected. Her humour has not left her as much as her hair has. She is taking her time in her recovery which is precisely what she has been told to do. She is a good listener. She is a good person and she will be a cancer survivor.
 
Thanks to everyone who have dropped in to the house, sent or brought cards, flowers, food and best wishes to Laurie and myself. We completed that 1,000 piece puzzle recently (actually 1,008 pieces) and had a good time doing it. Laurie's friends seem to span three generations of colleagues, friends and acquaintances. This is something that I have thought about on more than one occasion. The different life experiences of these people - you- have contributed to Laurie's well being and hope for the future. Many of you have wished her courage along her road to recovery which has aided her in ways that I can not say but do feel.
 
Stop for a moment on Monday, October 17th at 13:00 and list for the bell - the sound of happiness, of joy and inevitably, the silence of tears.
 

Monday 3 October 2011

Thankfully Red in the Face

Growing old is not for sissies. Neither is having brain cancer. Or any cancer. Or radiation treatment. Having the combination of being old and having one of these illnesses is certainly not on anyone's wish list. It's a tough go. I see people every day of all descents, shapes, sizes, ages and illnesses. Maybe I am getting used to visiting the cancer clinic daily. But probably not. Each day is different. New faces appear and others have left upon the ringing of the bell. More of the staff now have names to go with familiar faces. The idiosyncrasies of parking, knowing when best to visit the pharmacy and who to seek out for information are becoming second nature. I bought a box of Tim-bits one day and left it at the administration counter in the radiation area. A little gesture of thanks but it seemed to make a difference in the day-to-day routines that both the staff and the patients experience.
Since the last posted update on September 19th, Laurie has taken nine more radiation sessions. The side effects are now showing. The most prominent are the fatigue and the hair loss.  Much of her hair that grew back following the operation has fallen out. More hair is appearing around the house and car every day. I think that she is a little distressed about it but she knows that it should all come back after the radiation sessions are over. There is also occasional swelling and redness on the left side of her face and head. I believe that she is managing these conditions better than one might expect or hope for.  A moist face cloth applied to her face for ten minutes several times a day makes her feel refreshed and reduces the redness. She is knowledgeable about the side effects and not openly complaining. I ask how she is doing and she responds positively. However, the radiation and chemotherapy have caused her to slow down somewhat. She is now two-thirds through the radiation sessions. Her small advent type calendar on the refrigerator is something that she attends to as soon as we return from the hospital during the week days. Her half-way point session has a decorated number "16" on it.  With each session and new count down number posted, we hug and hope that each session is doing her good. Her final session is currently to take place on Monday, October 17th - something to be belatedly thankful for. 
We meet once a week with her radiation oncologist to go over how she is doing. Our last visit lasted 3 minutes and 20 seconds which is longer than all the previous visits combined. So far, the course of treatments has remained the same although she may be taking a reduce dosage of one of her drugs later this week. She has not needed to consult the radiation nurse lately which is good as many others are lining up to do so. Her speech therapist has come for the last time unless Laurie feels that she would like some assistance in dealing with speech issues.
Around the house Laurie is managing to participate in new activities. This is a gradual process and one that can help her along the road to recovery. She is now writing along with me the things that happened on each day.  Her memory is steadily improving and her writing is quite good. Friends visiting the house brought along a puzzle which, according to the literature on patients having had brain tumour surgery, is something that helps in the thinking and healing process. We work on the puzzle each day until she feels that she would like to do something else. We continue to walk outside and to make a point of climbing the stairs to the basement more for exercise than necessity. Of course, we look forward to watching something good on the television. Recently, we are watching the Lovejoy series (the adventures of an East Anglian antiques dealer from 1986-1994) and also Inspector Lewis, both on DVDs that we bought. Our Sunday evening is in part spent watching Inspector Morse. Her colleagues from the Canadian Museum of Nature sent a very nice card with thoughtful messages. They also kindly chipped in to get her a gift card that she can use to buy books, music or DVDs. She is only now beginning to turn on the computer and one of the first things she did was to visit the store web-site where she can use her gift card. I am sure that she will choose carefully and enjoy whatever she decides upon.
The September weather was kind to us. Laurie read through the daily journal of our trip to Scotland last September, where it seems, every day had its share of rain. Good weather helps to heal in more ways than one. It allows us to be outside more and the sun is good for her outlook. She likes the higher air pressure associated with the brighter days. We are noticing just how quickly it becomes dark now. We have both commented that it must be very difficult for people to travel for their sessions during the winter months, especially if they live outside of the city as we do.  The concern for others is something that we both think about. Although Laurie made it through the darkest of days, others are now just beginning their journey and the outcomes are never predictable. There always seems to be a more difficult case just around the corner.
This week's schedule is much like the last two. Five sessions typically in mid afternoon means that we miss the worst of rush-hour and the diabolical street configurations that seem to choke traffic daily. We meet a different radiation oncologist this week since her regular one is away - hopefully enjoying a nice holiday someplace. No other appointments are on the calendar except perhaps for a visit to the greenhouse. The home-care visits are now reduced to the point where we call if we would like some home care for Laurie. Only a day's notice is really required for this to happen. There is no session on Thanksgiving day but she resumes her treatments the day after. We see her chemotherapy oncologist after Thanksgiving for his assessment of her progress. She seems very pleased that the sessions are coming to a close and her chemotherapy will change from daily to five consecutive days per month.
On a recent Monday visit, the radiation technician came to get Laurie from the waiting room ahead of schedule. He was quite red all over his face and his arms. It appeared that something went awry in the radiation room, that his microwave threw a fit, or that he got toasted by the sun over the  weekend. Well, he assured us that it was the latter event that caused his condition and a little bit of embarrassment. I gathered the other radiation technicians got a good laugh on Monday morning. This reminded me of the time when I worked for the Canadian Coast Guard back in the early 1980s. I took my kayak out on Georgian Bay one sunny Sunday afternoon when a good blow came through raising the waves and my dad's fears of a mishap. My dad, being concerned and also employed by the CCG, made a call to someone at the base about my situation. It was decided that a search and rescue crew would go out looking for me. Little did they know but I escaped the storm by landing on an island where I was invited to have tea, little sandwiches and a variety of biscuits by a British couple who were vacationing there. Needless to say that I was a little red in the face and embarrassed on arriving to the base for work on Monday morning. At least it made people smile and laugh and gave the lads on search and rescue a little extra on their pay cheques.

Tuesday 20 September 2011

Ringing the Bell

Monday, September 19, 2011
 
It has been a full week now since the last update on Laurie's health. I am pleased to report that she is maintaining course for her recovery plans. She is now participating in more activities around the house and we venture a little further each day along the road on her morning walks. Her sleeping is going well and her sickness has not returned since her first two days of radiation. A good balance of resting, eating, drinking and exercise continues. She did take time to down load the photos from the BlackBerry to the home computer. I took many pictures of her along her journey that she had never seen before. In fact, she really did not know that I had taken them. Some of the photos are very poignant and I was not sure how she would react. Not to my surprise, she simply went through them and asked the occasional question or two. I was more struck by some of the photos than she was and I was the photographer!
 
The appointments last week were at the end of the afternoon which meant commuting to the hospital was typically slow in both directions. Once at the hospital, the sessions went well. Laurie must be close to being a model patient for the radiation staff. Always pleasant and undemanding and a good listener. She is taking everything in perspective. There are other patients in the waiting room who appear to be suffering more, at least outwardly.  It seems to me that many of patients are there alone and not with any family or friends. This must be difficult for some of them.
 
The bell to signify the last of someone's chemotherapy sessions rang twice last week while we were present. In the first instance, a little boy of perhaps six years of age, head completely devoid of hair and quite red, had finished his treatments. He was a little small for reaching the rope on the bell but his father pulled the cord and the three or four staff there with them all clapped and smiled as we did. He seemed to be in good spirits and I wondered just how rough a start in his life that he has experienced and what his future may be like.   The second ringing was from a woman whom I would estimate to be in her fifties or early sixties. It is difficult to give an age since the treatments may dramatically affect the person's appearance. She rang the bell with vigour and cried and smiled while doing so. The sound of clapping accompanied her joy and I am sure that there is emotional sentiment from those thinking of her and the completion of their own treatments.
 
Last week also saw us visit her neurological surgeon at the Civic Hospital. This is a rudimentary follow-up that we were anxiously waiting for. He is a very genuine doctor who took his time with Laurie. He is very interested in seeing the results of his labour, starting with the healing of the incision on her head. All is well there and he seemed pleased. He conducted a number of physical tests with Laurie and asked her about how she was feeling. Overall, a nice meeting to have had. The next meeting with him will be after Laurie has completed her radiation sessions at which time another MRI will be taken. He will review the baseline images taken just prior to the sessions starting and the images after her six weeks of treatments. It is good to know that there are several doctors who are following Laurie's progress and doing their own assessments.
 
Like many of you we find that weekends are something that you look forward too. Not only do we not have the drive into Ottawa but there seems to be a fall fair or event taking place every weekend. These activities offer variety to our weekly routine and with the nice weather here in Eastern Ontario we have some choice. Last weekend we went to a nearby apple orchard and bought some nice fresh fruit. We did not pick ourselves this year but many of those there were doing just that. We did some walking by the Rideau waterway and St. Lawrence River where Laurie was identifying plants and birds. We met a mink at one point that seemed as curious about us as we were of it. It seems to me that there are many events taking place in the small towns and villages that the city folk travel too with anticipation. I am not sure how many of us country bumpkins are heading into the city on the weekend. I believe that there is a special appeal to being in rural Ontario in September, especially with sunny skies and comfortable temperatures.
 
Treatment number 12 was today along with a consultation with her radiation oncologist.  Monday is his open clinic from 13:30 to 15:30 when patients can see him. I am not sure where the onus lies on prearranging the topics of discussion. The wait was quite long, well over one hour in fact. He came into the consultation room with his usual vigour and confidence. He seems to have an overabundance of patients which means that his time is carefully rationed. As Laurie appears to be doing quite well, he does not spend more than a few minutes with us. We think that he must be devoting his time to those patients where things are not working out as well. This is quite understandable and we hope that all of his future Monday sessions with us will be short ones.
 
Waiting in the hospital is something that you must adapt to. It is amazing to me how many National Geographic magazines from the mid 1980s to the late 1990s are there in excellent condition. We are typically careful about what we handle in the hospital and take precautions that others may feel are unnecessary. However, with Laurie's decreased immune system she must be vigilant in minimizing her risk to catching something.  Some people seem to wait with impatience and others simply fall asleep. I tend not to be able to read as Laurie usually does. My mind wanders. I look at the other patients and the doctors and hospital staff and think about different things. I know that there are people there who are just beginning their journey and the apprehension is there to show this. For others, it appears that they have just finished work at the office and they stopped in to get their usual treatment before stopping at Swiss Chalet for a take-out. Still, for them, there is a story that lies in their recent past. I seem to be the only person who is taking notes, at least those of the written kind. My small binder is quite full now and yet I am adding paper weekly. Not just my daily updates but notes relating to upcoming appointments, prescription renewals and the names of new support staff that Laurie can call upon if needed.
 
As mentioned, we had a long wait between Laurie's 12th radiation session and the meeting with her radiation oncologist. My mind wandered again back to grade school and to poor Harry. You see, after Harry's regrettable performance relating to his essay on summer fun, he landed himself in more difficulty with Mr. Connors. This time, Harry had to write a 500 word essay on "The air inside a ping-pong ball". It amazes me that I can still remember this sort of thing and I wonder if Harry does to. The essay itself was not presented to the class as his first one was. So, I can not report now what Harry was able to write on such a topic. This is what I was wondering about during our lengthy wait having gone over my mental assessments of the waiting room persons and activities. It is strange that the subject would even be imagined. What could someone, especially in grade seven, write on this? I put my mind on to the subject and it is not an easy one to deal with. I could not even reasonably put my first words together. I know that I would have received an F- from Mr. Connors for my lack of original thinking.
 
This week's appointments are quite diverse for timing. We have two days where we will be part of the rush hour crowd. Three of the appointments are at new times and it will be interesting to see the hospital at those times and what may be different than during our usual hours. I am sure that some new faces will be there in the radiation waiting rooms. Perhaps new radiation technicians will be there as well. There are always two of these people taking care of Laurie and they always seem to be congenial and quite young. The latter feeling is probably simply due to my age. I know most of them by first name basis even if they are in the hallway somewhere outside of the radiation area.  Laurie will be taking her fifteenth session this Thursday (September 22nd). This date will be a half-way milestone and one that I am sure she will be most proud of. She does not show much emotion throughout her sessions as she has accepted that these are integral to her recovery. The only time that she has really shed a tear or two is when she is playing a song on her guitar. I think that doing both of these things are good for her.
 
I need to think of something special to do to mark her milestone achievement. This is a more practical subject to consider compared to meeting Harry's challenge and I can put my mind to it over the next few days.  I know that there will be no deductions for brevity, poor grammar or spelling. Whatever this something special is I hope that she will be as pleased with it as I am in her achievement. 
 
 

Monday 12 September 2011

Passages of Time, this year and last

"Time" is a word that most of us cherish. It is used in a variety of ways but perhaps none more meaningful in context when one considers recovery time. Many usages of the word "time" refer to the moment or of an instance. I think that we are essentially expressing time in this sort of dimension now. It was seven weeks ago today that Laurie had her operation. Think about what you have done over those seven weeks. For us, the variation on what we do is quite minimal. This is frustrating but we realize that progress is taking place in the proper direction; however slow it may be.  Being at home with Laurie, I thought that I would have time to do all sorts of things - including the issuance of more timely updates. However, the day is quite fractionalized and I seem to have lots of little bits of time to do specific things. Finding more substantial periods of time to engage in non essential tasks, like writing for instance, are difficult to find. For someone who likes to keep the cars clean both inside and out, I have failed to vacuum or wash them since the end of June. There is just no time for this sort of activity.
 
A decade ago, this date was a moment in time that most people around the world will recall. Canadians in eastern Canada were particularly affected and likely recall the events of September 11th, 2001 with more feeling and emotion than others may do. I can recall exactly what I was doing on that fateful morning when the seemingly unbelievable news traveled through the office. It was certainly a time of apprehension and anxiety for us living north of the 49th parallel and a nightmarish time for those living in New York, New York Washington D.C. and around Shanksville Pennsylvania. Time is supposed to heal all wounds but something tells me that the survivors and the families of the victims of 9/11 will forever be dealing with the tragedies that took place.
 
For Laurie and I, we are primarily thinking of the week ahead. We try and remember the successes of the previous week while writing our upcoming activities. In order to help us manage time and tasks we have a small white board and different coloured markers. Laurie is the scribe for this. I have kept and continue to keep notes for each day since July 22nd. I am now at page 99. Typically, Laurie is a note-taker. I was reminded of this when we were in the midst of packing for our move in August. Field books for every work related trip taken and for every endeavour related to bird outings and breeding atlases, bio-blitzes, recreational walks and cycling excursions, amphibian counts and the recording of the bird specifies and critters that visit our bird feeder each year. We both take a clean diary with us on our holidays and this is the only time that I really take notes. This is something that I have always seemingly done on holidays as far back as I can recall. What is quite surprising is that I actually have all of the summaries in one place. Although we write our diaries independently, there is a fair amount of overlap, except when it comes to botanical observations of course. You may find that there is a treatise on the local craft beer in my diary but then see several thoughts on whether a plant that Laurie found that day is introduced or native in her book. They are fun to reread but seldom did there seem to be any time to do this before.
 
Each morning now, Laurie is reading our trip diaries from our trip to Scotland in 2010. Not the whole diary mind you but just the notes that correspond to the current month and day but one year ago. So, this morning after a tasty breakfast she read aloud the bits of history, road travel, food and drink, natural history and the degree of manner of our B and B hostess for September 11, 2010. It does not take a long time to read through the notes unless the penmanship is a little off or the notes become decreasing more illegible as they extend to the bottom of a page and a fresh one is desired for the following day.  I have taken my diary notes for this day (Sept. 11, 2010) and entered them at the bottom of the more current events relating to Laurie's progress and well-being. You can certainly tell how much a life can change in the course of a year looking at the notes from then and now. We both feel that one day we will be looking around to buy new diaries for a trip to a destination that neither of us has even really contemplated at this time.
 
The last status covered up to September 4th.  Generally, and above all, Laurie is dealing with her radiation and chemotherapy sessions very well. Over the past week, the scheduling was such that we needed to be at the radiation clinic for 16:40 or 17:00 each day except for the holiday Monday. This scheduling allows Laurie to spend most of the day doing what she pleases, including sleeping in a little.  The actual radiation activity only takes three minutes; however the round-trip is taking about three hours. This is still time well spent no matter what possible view you take on the situation.  So far she is experiencing very little of the radiation and the chemotherapy side effects (I have just knocked on the desk here). The initial sessions were very difficult but since Monday, September 4th, she has not been physical ill. We still minimize the risk of her becoming so and are vigilant in terms of dealing with the possibility should she become so.  She has not suffered redness or acute swelling. Her hair is seemingly growing with speed as opposed to the opposite. Her level of energy is OK all things considered and her spirit and attitude are positive.
 
Laurie's memory is improving but there is still ground to cover. For instance, the game of twenty questions presents quite a few challenges. This game involves different levels of cognitive thinking and memory and is one of the more difficult exercises that we are now doing. Her vocabulary is coming along in three languages - English, French and Latin. Her speech therapist is not coming the week of September 12th but will come over the following week. She is reading a lot. We unboxed some more cartons and pulled out some reading material for her. She seems to like reading but has some problems in recalling the names of the books that she recently read. I sometimes wonder if she is absorbing the stories or simply reading the words. We did play some cribbage and she did very well in assessing her cards, making a strategy and taking her points. I was very impressed with this task which we do not treat as such.
 
On tap for this week are the five scheduled radiation appointments (numbers seven through eleven). Monday the 12th we see a cancer out patient social worker. After this we will visit her radiation oncologist. This latter meeting is something that we will do every Monday before her radiation session. Later in the week we meet her neuro surgeon at another hospital. This meeting was to be held last week but even surgeons need summer holidays. We are not sure what will be discussed but he did require that CT scan that Laurie had about ten days ago. We feel that it will be an assessment of her progress as he sees it. Laurie is still very unclear about what had happened and can not really remember events that took place with her initial trip to the hospital and her release some two weeks later. In the overall scheme of things this is not very important seeing as I have many pages of notes. She has not read the blog since she does not yet realize that there is one. I am hoping that some day she will read what you have been reading and what she has been living through.  She appears optimistic and more understanding of what is taking place this week. She is now able to sort out her various pills and dosages for both morning and evening. She is quite interested in reading the fact sheets about her prescriptions and asks me time and time again to go over each prescription's purpose and dosage. Her balance is quite strong and she continues to stretch and wishes to take short walks. She does still carry her stick which is something that I have seen her rely on at times. Finally, she wishes to return to the greenhouse and see how her grasses are doing.
 
We did two walks over the past weekend. The first was along the St. Lawrence River at Prescott, Ontario. We took our time and enjoyed the weather and quiet activities surrounding us. It is not often that you do not see a large ship plying the waters but Saturday was one such day. On Sunday we returned to the river but farther east - to the Morrisburg area. We strolled along the path next to the river which had significantly more human and bird activity taking place. Again no lake freighters were seen. There is something calming about being next to the river and we just took our time to take in the sun and the smells. Laurie took her binoculars and was able to identify birds, butterflies and some plants. All this is very good to see and I need to keep reminding myself that it was only seven weeks ago that she was being operated on. 
 
As anticipated, the summary of Laurie's road to recovery is becoming shorter in length as the routine of the days becomes quite apparent. I would like to thank Marian in Nova Scotia for continuing to post Laurie's progress and for dealing with the photos that I have found and sent along. Each time that I see a photo that has been stored in a computer file that I have not seen for years brings back the memories of the wonderful journeys that we have taken together.
 
Time to go. Below is the diary entry from my journal. How much life can suddenly take a turn is certainly evident from what we did then.
 
September 11, 2010 (Glencoe, Scotland).
 
Up at 07:15 and into the shower. It was also a shower outside - in fact pouring! Wondered if the hike to the Lost Valley would leave at 10:00? Had a nice breakfast. There was a couple from Italy and an older woman arriving after 08:00. A nice meal but not the full monty. It continued to rain as we left the B & B heading to the Glencoe Visitor's Centre. Arrived about 09:40 and checked in for the trip. There were five women also doing the walk - four from Germany I believe and one older lady from somewhere in the UK. The two guides were Johnny and Matt. Started off by completely encasing ourselves in anything waterproof. The trip was to go for about four hours. Lots of rain and slippery walking to be sure.
 
There were a few interpretation stops including one that spoke of a hidden person counter. It worked on the pressure of someone walking over a sensor a little bit buried. Took pictures of the area and of the group - constantly in rain. People seemed pleased just to be out and getting exercise (walking, climbing, swimming). Tough going in places - certainly more challenging than say Ben Nevis was back in 1996. Once having entered the Lost Valley we saw a herd of deer, maybe 35 to 40 in all. Had the sandwiches we bought in the village earlier. Passed around the cookies we brought but only the two guides took advantage.
 
The rain had ceased by now but was still ever present. The walk back took a different route most of the way. With all of the rain, the creeks were turned into rivers. We needed to ford one and this is where I got wet. The stepping stones were basically under water and deep enough that it topped my boots, ergo, two very wet feet. Laurie faired a little better than I did but some others got just as wet. Am wondering if these boots will ever dry in the future, at least at the B & B.
 
Having successfully managed the Hidden Valley (Lost Valley in the Three Sisters) walk, we got back into the Park Services Land Rover for the drive back to the Visitor's Centre. Said our good-byes and got the hiking ideas from Matt. Back at the B & B and Maureen's offer of a pot of tea was immediately taken up. She also carried away my boots to some secret drying chamber. Having then converted our room into a drying room and examining everything that got wet, including passports, we had a wee lie of perhaps 70 to 80 minutes. It was raining lightly whenever I opened an eye. Egads!  Will it ever stop raining? About 16:30 we headed out to see a sale of free-trade Tibetan things where Laurie bought a nice hat. The girl working the traveling exhibit and sale was from the Czech Republic. Carried on up the road to the village hiking trails where there are three of them all joined up. We walked the Woodland Trail which was 1.5 miles long and very well maintained and sign-posted. Some huge trees, lots of moss and ferns, etc - just what one would expect being in Glencoe. Began to rain again and the umbrella was used to minimize the shoes getting wet. Near the end and the car park we bumped into Ben (the B & B dog) and Ken along with another dog and Ken's friend. After a short chap about the weather and walking, we headed to the B & B via the village store where I bought single cans of beer. Returning wet for the second time in one day we hung up what we could and decided that going to the Clachaig Hotel for dinner was in order.
 
It is about two miles from the village so we drove the single lane road encountering a few cars and people. The Clachaig was quite busy and I lucked into parking in the last real space - almost hitting a car whose driver was attempting to weasel by me. Inside, there were about ten real ales - mostly from Houston Brewing. I settled on a beer from Williams that was excellent. Laurie had a salmon with spuds and veggies and I had a chicken done Cajun style with chips and veggies. Very good place and very busy - even at 20:45 when we headed over to the bar area.
 
The bar was packed with excitement - at least lots of loud talking and laughing. Got a real ale (Warlock Stout) and found a spot before the substitute three person band came on. Actually pretty good all things considered. Several dogs in various states of anxiety were about including some very docile small grey hounds (welties?). We enjoyed the music and atmosphere until 22:00 the departed for the B & B. Maureen welcomed us back and locked up as we must have been the last of the guests to call it a night.

Tuesday 6 September 2011

Good things come to those who Ask

Plan B. What a ubiquitous thing that this has become to many of us. It can mean anything from selecting an alternate route to work should the traffic look like you are driving in Manila to what type of Ben and Jerry's ice cream to buy given that your favourite was also many other shoppers' fav. too.
 
Our lives here have many of these Plan Bs. In some cases, we know enough now to have a firm one in mind and even, dare say, a Plan C just in case. These plans have come in quite handy. I will relate some of these in the update below.
 
Given that there is a high level of uniformity now in Laurie's situation, I will dispense with the daily updates. A summary of the events having taken place since the last report will be given - both the highs and the lows of things. There will undoubtedly be some natural chronology required so that the events make more sense in their relationships.
 
Some of the readers had experienced the recent effects of hurricane Irene. Those more eastward of here were sure to have encountered some consequence. We had some very minor edge-of-the-storm action and nothing severe occurred.  I was thinking though that storms like hurricanes, and more particularly, tornados can be an allegory for Laurie's recent experiences. Having come home from the hospital on August 5th after her initial battle with her brain tumour, she has been, generally, getting quite better in all aspects - mentally, physically and physiologically. However, as she entered into the second set of challenges - the radiation and the chemotherapy, she has regressed at times. It was like the tornado hit her hard in July and we entered into the eye and things were looking pretty good. Then the tail end of the storm came upon us and things became quite difficult for her.
 
Sometimes no matter how much one plans, the storm is just so overwhelming that you find yourselves helpless and it does not matter how many plans that you may have though of. Fortunately, we have not reached this point although at times it seemed that we were darn close to that.
 
The last update was sent on Friday, August 26.   Since then we have encountered three delays in Laurie's start date for her radiation therapy. The original plan, Plan A, was that Laurie was to have her first radiation session on August 30th. As the day arrived and we were preparing for this major event, the radiation oncologist's nurse called to say that the treatment would be cancelled for that day. The rescheduled appointment was for August 31st. The first postponement was reasonably explained. On Monday, August 28th, she had a CT scan and also an MRI. Upon review of the images, the oncologist decided to change the instrument that Laurie would be treated with. So, this meant that they had to find a spot in the queue for her on this other instrument. Makes perfect sense and there would be benefits for her on this other instrument.
 
So, August 31st was to be the new launch date. Then, we got the word; "Houston, we have a problem". I could sort of sense this when the telephone rang and we were actually on the road to the 17:00 appointment. Apparently, the equipment broke down or in more technical terminology, there was a systems malfunction. Good thing that she was not being radiated on when the system malfunctioned I thought. So, we made a smooth exit off of the highway into the town of Kemptville which is where we rely on the pharmacists and grocers. Being somewhat disappointed, we took a Plan B for our new found time and went to see about some medication that was awaiting us at the drug store.
 
The prescription in question was related to Laurie's regular medication that she took before her illness struck. I saw that she had only about two weeks left of her pills and decided to reorder early. Apparently, this was a wise thing to do. The issue was that the pills were on back order for about six months. This originally caused us some consternation but the pharmacist reassured us that she would contact Laurie's GP about a suitable replacement. After several days of waiting, I called the drug store to see where we stood. There was still no decision made because the GP had not gotten back to the pharmacist. So, I told the pharmacist that I would call the doctor and get things moving. After leaving two messages at her office I felt that getting somewhere will this medication replacement may not be so simple. It looked like an Abbott and Costello routine at this point.
 
After over one week of inactivity, in my eyes at least, the pharmacist called and said the replacement drug was ready. This brings me back to the swift exit off of the highway on August 31st. I will not pick up a new medication and leave the store without speaking with the pharmacist as I did on this occasion. The replacement drug were little white pills that were all ready to go. We learned in a question and answer session that the active ingredient was suspended in some type of peanut based agent. Well, seeing that Laurie is highly allergic to peanuts then a problem was at hand. Plan B had failed and could have been much worse. If we did not learn of the peanut presence and Laurie had taken a pill then she would have been in anaphylactic shock and a call to 911 would have been made.
 
So, making our concerns of what we felt to be inadequate record keeping to the pharmacist, we left with nothing. Noting that there she had only about four or five days worth of her original pills, I went to Plan C. This was because the pharmacist told us that there was nothing else that she could provide. So, I called a drug store in Ogdensburg, New York and enquired as to the availability of her original pills. Well, they had plenty of them. Now Ogdensburg is only about a 30 minute drive from here if you obey the speed limits. The only stipulation to me getting the pills was that I needed a note from Laurie's GP explaining the shortage of the pills in Ontario (along with the prescription of course). So, this was my Plan C. However, the doctor's letter was integral to the plan and I was not able to contact her and messages left were not returned.
 
I explained to Laurie's case manager the situation we were in and my Plan C. She was agreeable to hunting down the doctor and getting this letter. In fact, the case manager would drive it down to the house. Brilliant. Then, the pharmacist called. She had talked with the GP and a substitute medication was identified and in fact waiting for us at the pharmacy. Good grief. With only two days' worth of pills left, the timing was rather tight. So, back up to the drug store and the new drugs were picked up after an interrogation like talk with the pharmacist.
 
The rescheduled radiation and chemotherapy start date was September 1, 2011 (just to clarify the actual year) at 17:20. So, getting prepared in all the various ways, we headed up to the hospital expecting the telephone to ring - likely just as I entered through the parking gate. No such call came and on we went. Before the first radiation session takes place, an appointment with a nurse is scheduled. Presumably, this is to go over all of the ins and outs of the treatment which would include some discussion on specific topics - usually the side effects. Our nurse turned out to be a five star person. She not only gave us a nice summary of the basics, she organized future appointments with a dietician, a physical therapist, and a cancer social worker. But that is not all. She arranged for an immediate blood test that Laurie's GP wanted. Then she handled the issue of my calls to the surgeon's office for a refill on Laurie's drugs not been returned. She popped out for a few minutes then came back and said that Laurie's pills would be at the hospital pharmacy counter in twenty minutes. If I had a self adhesive gold star then I would have placed it on her forehead. Laurie and I were most impressed especially since the radiation technologist took Laurie away about twenty seconds after our meeting with the nurse wound up. 
 
Off to the first radiation treatment. We were quite pleased. As it was the first visit for radiation treatment, we were instructed on a number of important aspects. This included using your bar coded identification card to let the staff know that you had arrived. If you wanted to see a nurse or a doctor then the methods to do this are given. Your weekly schedule is given on each Thursday visit which lays out the next five or six appointments. If you have a conflict with an appointment time then the instructions for dealing with this were presented. The arrangement to see the oncologist on a weekly basis was also reviewed. Good thing that I had lots of ink in my pen and paper to spare. Finally, they tell you that you can have all the candies that you wish!
 
The radiation only took three minutes. The added time is due to the preparation part - the fitting of the mask and the testing bit to ensure that everything would go according to Plan A.  So, Laurie came back to waiting room just as the BBC sport highlights were about to begin. We left there pleased that it was one session down and now 29 more to go.  I would be responsible for the chemotherapy part as I had the $10,000 worth of drugs secretly tucked away at the house and had the instructions memorized.
 
Thursday, September 1st was a night to remember. At about 01:00 the side effects began. Poor Laurie. She was sick in the mixing bowl that was placed right beside the bed. This continued almost hourly for the rest of the night. Although she took an anti-nausea pill before the chemotherapy pills, the effects of having started radiation and chemotherapy on the same day proved to be most devastating on her system. So, the night was long and painful. She understood why this was happening to her. All I could do was give another anti-nausea pill every four hours and hope for the best. Morning came and it was as if neither of us really slept at all. She was experiencing what the literature and the hospital staff had indicated might happen after the treatments. To me, there is no "treat" in these treatments.
 
Friday saw her back at the General for her second session. The time was for 17:20 and judging by all of the optimal parking spots available, quite quiet at the hospital. It was Friday prior to the long weekend.  There is a hospital protocol that one sees a nurse after their first radiation treatment and before the second. As arranged, the nurse spoke with us to get a sense of how Laurie managed over the last 24 or so hours. Having related the experiences, the nurse indicated that this seemed somewhat normal but she would like to speak to a doctor concerning a change to one of Laurie's prescription dosages. This nurse also would have received a gold star. Running five minutes ahead of time the technician took Laurie to the radiation instrument. The hospital was eerily quiet. I caught up a little on my note taking and savoured a watermelon flavoured bon bon as Laurie walked back by herself to the waiting room. A little hug and smile and she and I wondered what to do next. You see, she also had a CT scan scheduled for 21:00 in the same hospital. Since the time was only about 17:35 we pondered what our plan would be.
 
As we were contemplating what seemed to be just a few boring options of what to do I caught wind of a conversation from the only other people around. It was a man and his kids and a radiation nurse. He had just completed his last session in an eight week period and the nurse was reviewing some of the possible actions in his future. This man knew that there was a bell in the adjacent hallway that a person who completes their radiation program can ring. I heard this once on an earlier visit and response to the ringing was clapping from those in the waiting room and the staff. However, this being the eerily quiet night it was he went along the vacant corridor and rang the bell. The sound of the bell echoed down the hallways without a response from anyone. We felt that we should have clapped from where we were but did not. This we both regret. I wanted to say congratulations to him as he walked by us but I thought that this would have demonstrated that we had big ears. We thought of him afterwards and all the things that he might have gone through in order to ring that bell. We wish him well in his journey.
 
Now, I had packed a small cooler bag with some soft nourishment and drinks for Laurie to have between the two appointments. I had left this in the car thinking that a walk would help to fill the two and a half hours of waiting time. Then I thought of Plan B. Why not go and find the Module X on the second floor and find out exactly where the 21:00 appointment will be.
 
Now, I believe that M.C. Escher was a member of the architectural committee that designed the General Hospital. I had in fact been sent a floor plan of how to find Module X.  This map is not to be handled as junk mail. With the map and after a couple of navigational failures, we did arrive in the correct location. A very pleasant person was sitting behind the glow of a computer monitor as we approached. We wanted to know if there was a chance that Laurie's 21:00 could be moved up. The waiting room only had one person and she was on a gurney sound asleep. I explained that Laurie had just had her radiation session and now she was available for the scan. It never hurts to ask so don't be shy about this. After an immediate and short telephone call, we were told to proceed down the hall and take the last door on the right to the CT scan waiting room. It seemed that either there had been about 20 CT scan cancellations or the appointment times are somewhat randomly distribution. What a stroke of luck though. I decided right then to stop on the way home a buy a 6/49 ticket (which being a statistician I did not actually do.) 
 
Expecting more than an empty CT scan waiting room I was found to be wrong. Just the technician was there and asked Laurie to go straight on in - no change into a hospital gown was even needed. A few minutes later Laurie was done. I had virtually no time to look at any of the articles in June 2009 issue of Field and Stream. As we walked along the corridor we talked about the value of having a Plan B. The woman who made the original call for us was on the telephone as we left but she raised a thumb and smiled at our success.
 
So we were on our way back home a couple of hours ahead and thinking about how good things come to those who ask. We also thought about the chap who had completed his treatments and celebrated in relative silence.
 
The illness experienced during the early morning on Friday, Sept. 2nd was reduced by about half during the wee hours of Saturday morning. The prompt administration of the anti-nausea pill after four hours seemed to help a little. Still, the compound effects of radiation and chemotherapy was very stressing to the body. The reason that both treatments began at the same time was explained by one of the gold star nurses. The chemotherapy apparently makes the radiation more effective and thus is prescribed at the same time and not before radiation starts. It was felt that given Laurie's tough first night that the side effects from the radiation were more severe than those caused by the chemotherapy.
 
Meal plans have changed a little now. The traditional three meals a day are still there but the volume of the servings are a little less. A couple of times during the day, some small snacks are taken. This is now likely to be the approach over the next six weeks. I am fine with this since I can now have five meals a day rather than three. Plenty of fluids, focusing mostly on just water, is also an essential part of the treatment period. Rest and light exercise have been, and will continue to be, important aspects of recovery.
 
The weekend was a little better in terms of her sleeping and the level of her treatment side effects. Saturday night was actually a good night with no sickness being experienced. In part, this may have been due to me giving Laurie an anti-nausea pill at midnight and at 04:00. The Plan A is to get up for a few minutes to give the drugs as early as possible according to the prescription and then hope for the best. The Plan B is to try and deal with the sickness as best we can with the guidance provided. Plan C would be to call the telephone number at the radiation area and speak with an oncologist. There is at least one such doctor available 24/7 to offer advice on difficult situations. One result could be that a nurse comes down to the house and administers an intravenous drug.
 
Some friends came over on Sunday morning (Sept. 4th) and we had a nice time. After a while Laurie did show some tiredness and we said goodbye and thanks to our friends who not only brought their friendship but lots of nice home made goodies as well.  The day ended with a episode of Inspector Morse. This will be our Sunday evening tradition as it is good to have such things. Watching these shows I can not help but think of John Thaw who passed away from cancer in 2002 and the ordeals that he faced. I read a book last year written by his wife, Sheila Hancock about their life together. I do not usually read biographies but I did quite enjoy this one. Worth the read if you enjoy British cinema. I will note that to get a copy of the book may require you having several different plans as it seems to be quite scarce.