July 30

July 30, 2011 (Saturday)

I read in a book some time ago that the difference between a boy and a man is patience. I am the type of person who feels that tomorrow's work should have been done yesterday. If a meeting begins at 10:00 and you are not there three minutes before then you are late. After one week in the hospital of eleven and twelve hour days I think that I must be becoming more of a man. I am not learned in linguistics or know much about ethnology. But, having patience and looking at a patient must be words that were derived from each other. I don't know which usage came first. A patient must be patient in order to recuperate. Anxiety would not help the healing to happen faster. An impatient person may never become a patient so perhaps the adjective came before the noun.  Never really thought about this before. After this week of experimenting with timing and logistics related to the house and hospital trips and stays, I have decided to see Laurie at breakfast time and then depart after the day-nurse shift ends and the night-nurse starts. This is usually about 19:00 to 19:30. I find that after twelve hours of not seeing her that I become anxious. I just want to hit the highway and get in to help her with breakfast and find out how her night went. By the time I depart, she has had her day and is ready for sleep. Oh yes, I remember the book now. It is called "It's Not About the Bike - My Journey Back to Life" by road bicycle racer and seven time Tour de France winner, Lance Armstrong (with Sally Jenkins).

 

In grade 8 home-room one day early in September when school had just returned, Harry got himself in trouble with Mr. Connors. Harry received the punishment of having to do a 1,000 word essay on what he did that summer. In two days time, Harry would read his summer fun essay to the class. Well, the time arrived. Harry stood and began to relate his adventures. "I got on my bike and rode and rode and rode and rode and.....". To the delight of all the classmates we laughed with each "and rode". This laughing encouraged Harry to read faster and faster while smiling and clowning about.  Mr. Connors did not see the humour that the pupils did and pulled poor Harry into the hall for a little teacher-student discussion. There seemed to be some sounds emanating in the hallway like something hitting the locker doors. This made us think twice about laughing out loud in class when Mr. C was impatient. The reason I mention this is that what Laurie did on July 28th was essentially sleep and sleep and sleep and then sleep some more. However, her day did not begin that way.

 

I don't know if there is a definitional difference between words like "sleeping", "dozing", "snoozing" and "resting" but she was in one of these states when I saw her at 08:30. As breakfast had been delivered but untouched, I suggested that she first go to the toilet and then try to eat. Getting to the bathroom was done reasonably well. Returning to bed was not. As I was helping her to get up and turn around to leave the bathroom she went limp in my arms and began to slide to the floor. I gently eased her down and the look in her eyes was very distressing for me. Her eyes were open, unblinking and non-responsive. The bathroom door was closed and there was no way to open it with me holding her head and body. The useable floor space of the bathroom is about the same as one of those old Bell Canada telephone boxes that you don't see anymore.

 

In most hospital bathrooms there is some sort of distress signal method. This I found and pulled the chain. Nothing happened that I know of. No ringing alarms or bright lights or sounds of people reacting in the corridor. So, I went to signal plan number two. This involved my shouting "I need help and I need it right now" repeated several times at increased levels of volume. What was probably no more than 30 seconds in real time seemed like forever to me. Laurie was absolutely still and I was at a loss as to what to do next. As it turned out, the distress signal reached the Race Team as well as the nurses' station. Whereas 30 seconds ago it was just the two of us, there was now a legion of hospital staff with various instruments at the ready. They took over and I prayed that Laurie had fainted and nothing worse.

 

After getting her back into bed the work began. An IV bag was set up and the saline was pumped into her picc line at full tilt (999 ml per hour). Two blood pressure systems were started. Blood testing began. Lots of talking and hand waving between the staff. Where was her file? A stethoscope was produced. The call for the ICU doctor was made. The technician responsible for the ECG machine was signalled for. Did you know that an ECG is the same thing as an EKG? Well, they are. Which term is referred to simply depends in which country you are in when this machine is unfortunately being carted towards you.  As it turned out, Laurie had fainted. Her blood pressure was not very good in the first morning reading and she collapsed mainly as a result of this. However, the ICU doctor did want to have her undergo another CT scan that day. The ECG was soon done and things settled down. I wanted to know where the closet defibrillator was because I think that I may have a need for it later. Needless to say that breakfast was never eaten by either of us.

 

Now the sleep began. Except for the intervention of a nurse or ICU doctor or a Race Team member, Laurie slept and slept and slept some more. Lunch was detoured to me as Laurie slept. The IV bag emptied and another one was hung but with a slower rate of flow. Her turkey dinner arrived at 17:00 but she was still sleeping.  No word had come about her trip to the CT scanner although she was still in the Friday night queue. I left at 20:30 having wished Laurie a peaceful rest that I had not eaten her dinner. This day I hoped would never be repeated.

 

I awoke with trepidation Saturday morning (today) after thinking about the ordeal of the day before. I hastily got underway and being Saturday on a long weekend made good time to the hospital. I believe that I passed Jackie Stewart and Al Unser who were on their way into the Capital for Buskerfest. I arrived about 08:20 to find Laurie sleeping. My questions were "Had she still been sleeping since I had left or was she back sleeping? and was the CT scan done?". Having made a small but strategically placed noise when sitting down, Laurie opened her eyes. Yes she said, they took her for a scan about 21:00. She sat up a little and we talked. Her face is continuing to expand in a yellow hue and her left temple area is still as prominently swollen as it has been for the past few days. Her neck appears to be turning yellow as well. If she continues to turn color then I presume that a new passport will be in order. She is a trooper through and through. She has never whined or complained or yelled out in pain and this is just in relation to the meals.  She can be similarly described from a medical perspective. I am so proud of her right now but still very concerned on what is around the next corner on the road to recovery.

 

Today, unlike yesterday, all three of her meals where more-or-less independently eaten. Although she did drink juices and water earlier in the day she needed to really soak up at dinner time. She this did by consuming three different juices, a tea and lots of water. This intake is to help with her blood pressure. She did sleep a fair amount today and she batted one thousand on making it to the toilet on time. Her vital signs were not uniform but seem to be OK. I asked the nurse about one particularly low BP reading though and she redid the BP test on the other arm - the one with the picc. The reading was better. I asked the nurse to go best two of three and the third test was close to the second. I think there is a lesson in this somewhere.

 

About 18:15 the intern neurologist came in the room. He started to talk to me but I wanted him to also address his patient. She is quite interested in what is going on and her hearing is good - the equivalent of having 20-20 eye sight I would think. At one point in the afternoon, both of her room mates had gone for some testing. This meant that the room was very quiet as the visitors of the room mates had gone to load up on caffeine and sugary treats downstairs. You could have heard a Q-tip drop in the hall-way at this point. It was really good to have this private room. It all came to an abrupt ending however as it sounded like a herd of wildebeest came charging down the hallway followed shortly after by a group of anxious and large gnus. The room was back to normal now.  Oh yes, the intern was giving the results of last night's CT scan. It looks like the swelling is not going down as fast as they would like. An additional pill will be given to her at bed-time (the second one after I have gone) to help combat the swelling in her brain. She will definitely be spending the August long-weekend there. Results from the Pathology laboratory are still not available.

 

We managed a short walk after dinner and she stopped along the way to study various instruments in the corridor. She did not ask me questions out loud but I know that she was thinking about the purpose of these. I am glad she did not ask me because I likely would have had to make up the answer. Tucked her into bed about 19:00 and left. I stopped to look at her through the curtains. Her hazel eyes closed and her mouth peaceful. The sun shone through the slats in the blind illuminating her head and face that although sutured and mostly yellow, are the loveliest in the world to me.

 

Good night from Oxford Station -

July 28

July 28, 2011 (Thursday)

Good morning / afternoon / evening everyone -

About a year ago to the present, Laurie and I were planning our autumn vacation to Scotland. Part of this trip was covering what is known as the "Road to the Isles". This is along the western coast of Scotland running in the Arisaig to Mallaig area. There are various small ports in this region providing ferry service to the islands of Muck Eigg, Rum and Canna....hence the touristy name of our route. I will detour from this story for a while as I want to first pass along the news of Laurie's "Road to Recovery".

 

The surgery that Laurie had on July 24th involved removing about 90% of a sizeable lesion in the left frontal area of her brain. I learned this while talking to one the attending surgeons who was fortuitously standing behind me this morning in line for a morning coffee. When asked, he said that it is likely that the tumor had started to develop a long time ago. There was calcification in the area that indicated the lesion had been growing for quite some time. However, until about July 22nd or so, it had remained virtually undetectable. The initial indication that "Laurie was not Laurie" was seen by her colleagues attending the 2011 Canadian Botanical Association Conference in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

 

Laurie had a meeting with her GP on July 13th and although she told the doctor that she was more tired than usual, there was no hint at anything that should be examined.  The OR doctor said that it was a very serious operation as the lesion was very close to the speech area. The treatment to follow will be either radiation, chemotherapy or in his opinion, both are likely to be involved. The next important step is to review the pathology report that I hope is going to be out this week. The oddsmakers have this as being released next week though. After we talked for a while, the surgeon thanked me for buying him coffee and I thanked him for helping to save Laurie's life.

 

Yesterday, Laurie's left eye had reopened although the discolouration around it was quite evident. Her left temple was, and is, still extremely swollen and is starting to display new colours of orange and yellow. She is taking pills for pain and for reducing any existing swelling of brain tissue. Stronger pain control strategies are in place should the ones she is on do not completely work. She is good at taking the pills which come her way about four times a day. She is eating most of everything that comes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We now complete a food order each evening for the next day's meals. Yesterday she put together a breakfast and a lunch plan as I read off the selections and she made the decisions. By comparison, the dinner choice was a long drawn out affair. The main course was either chicken or beef. So, my question to her was "OK, would you like chicken or beef?"  She just could not decide which to have....chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? After about a dozen repeats of these options I told her to pretend that she was completing the Census form and to just pick one of the options. She gazed up at me and said "Beef". So, she is eating as well as could be and she is continuing to drink lots of juice and water.

 

The timing to release these fluids is getting somewhat better. If she could travel at the speed of Usain Bolt then perhaps she would always make the toilet on time.  Her batting average is getting better though which makes her quite pleased. Yesterday she spent the entire day in the NOA. We did ramble through the neighbourhood after dinner to see what was going on and to get her legs moving. Her gait needs much improvement and she either uses a walker or is guided by me to maintain balance. The gait is such that the front of her right foot hits the ground before the heel. This alone creates the real possibility of taking a header into something concrete. "Heal first...heal first" is my constant reminder. Today there was some improvement but not a lot. As well, there is some pigeon toe happening which she did not have previously.

 

Yesterday was a long day for us. She did report to the staff that she felt better but except for the left eye being open I could not really tell if she really was. Progress in these situations can be glacial and Laurie is outwardly thinking positively. I stayed until just after 21:00 before making the trip back home. Being quite knackered I made some email replies and turned in by 23:00.

 

I reached the hospital before 09:00 this morning. Yesterday's arrival at 09:30 found me having to park in another time zone. Of course, that was the day I was bringing in her larger bag with assorted items and sundries. You can never find a sherpa when you want one. So, having beaten the vehicular arriving visitors, I had a nice choice of parking spots to select from. I took the one in the shade.

 

I wanted to see what Laurie's breakfasts were like so I was heading up the stairs two at a time to the second floor. I peeked into her curtain wall room #15 and was simply amazed. She looked like she had aged 30 years. As I stared at the figure in the bed from about 5 meters distance, the nurse said "Mark, your wife was moved to room #14 this morning". Hi carumba ! I knew something was amiss here. So, off next store where Laurie was sitting up and reviewing the remains of her breakfast (bran with raisons, bit of boiled egg, brown toast with jam (crusts left behind), juice and coffee). It wasn't so much the tray of food that really caught my attention however. During his visit to see Laurie, the head doctor who did the surgery decided that it was head bandage removal day. By the looks of it, I firmly believe that one of the attending surgeons last Sunday was Mary Shelley. Poor Laurie. There is a scar of maybe 35 cm forming the shape of half a square across the top and down the left side of her head. This was a serious effort by the surgeons to gain access to the lesion and surrounding area. Now, they no longer put a suture through (so this really does eliminate the possibility of Mary being there) to bind the two halves of the scalp back together. Instead, some guy at the Arrow Stapling Company came up with a novel way to increase sales...yes, a stapling gun for surgeons. Having never known or seen this before I was somewhat taken aback and wondering why Laurie was not holding her head and screaming. Now, if you are a bit squeamish you may want to skip the next paragraph.

 

I counted the staples. They are made of stainless steel and very nicely polished. There are 38 of them. They each measure, and the surgeon at coffee informed me of this, just over 0.5. cm across. Having a degree in mathematics I worked out that this is about 20 cm of actual staple material showing across her small head. I did not ask the doctor about the depth of the staples as I was trying to eat my muffin and drink a coffee. Apparently, because I asked about this too, the staples are usually easily removed by a nurse about ten days after they were put in. If they are left for much longer then there is the possibility that tissue starts to really cling on to the staple which is a bad thing...for everyone involved. Knowing Laurie she will likely grimace when her time comes (between August 2nd and the 4th) but not say anything out loud. Me? I would be screaming and shaking just thinking about this happening to me. Unless I was completely under, or in a head lock administered by a very large male nurse, they would have no chance of pulling the out of my head (and I mean zero chance, statistically speaking).

 

Today was pretty busy for Laurie. She had the usual visits from the nurse "How you doin' love?", from the food server "I hope that you enjoy this love", from the physiologist "Let's go for a walk Laurie love" and from an occupational therapist as well as a speech therapist. It was like Grand Central Station in room 14 of the NOA.  I guess what struck me the most was the difficulty that Laurie has in her ability to remember basic things. This may be a result of her memory loss or from an inability to "get the words" out even though she knows the answer to the question. For instance, she was given a picture drawing of a scene and she had to tell the therapist what she saw. Laurie mentioned a few things that were correct but then added something about the Canadian Tire store. I guess that these therapists have heard lots of things in their work but she did look at me with a slight smile. A question that I thought Laurie would absolutely nail was "How many animals can you name?". My first thought was "Ms. Therapist, how much time do you have here with Laurie today?". Laurie's knowledge of wildlife and the animal kingdom is darn good so I thought bonus marks were definitely at hand. Laurie began with "antelope". I knew it. Not only was she going to enumerate every animal, past and present, she was going to do alphabetically! Extra marks for sure. Her next animal was "beast". Umm. Not so sure about this one. There was the beast in her head until 90% got taken out last Sunday but I wonder what she was thinking. Then she stopped. She knew no more animals. I almost cried.

 

The tests that she did today are to help establish the rehabilitation program that will likely require. This program is quite separate from dealing with the remaining lesion still in her brain. So, I think we will need to have a big calendar to manage upcoming appointments.

 

The big news from today is that Laurie may be coming home tomorrow. Some debate is being held to determine when she should be released from the hospital. The surgeon had the paper work ready for her to go home today ! The nurse said "no way". The therapists told me that they feel Laurie might be transferred to a rehabilitation area for the next one to two weeks. So, pick a number of days please and let us know. Laurie coming home today was an impossibility. There is virtually no food in the refrigerator as I have been quite creative in feeding myself over the last few days. Currently, there is about 5 ml of expiry dated orange juice, some margarine, various condiments that were last opened in the Neolithic era, some beer and some more beer. Maybe some milk too behind the beer. As well, there is a mountain of laundry that Tenzing Norguay and Edmond Hillary would find quite a challenge to surmount. Needless to say, the house is not Laurie come-home-ready. I pleaded my case with the nurse and the hospital capitulated to my proposition of buying half the food from the grocery store tonight and stocking the house up. This would allow me to stay with Laurie until she is able to heal better or until the next ice age rolls in.

 

So, tomorrow is another day. This is the motto that we have been living by recently. It is hopefully a better day for Laurie. Her road to recovery will continue step by step and thought by thought. I know that your thoughts are with her along the way. 

 

 

Back to Scotland. We found passage on small crafts running to Eigg and to Rum and spend one day one each of these. Also in this area are various venues where the 1983 film (yes, it was that long ago), that the movie "Local Hero" was filmed. This is a top ten movie for us with the wonderful scenery, well written story-line and the beautiful sound track from Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits fame. Near the village of Morar there is a beach at Camusdarch where the long beach that played an elemental role in the movie is found. As it was September, we had the beach practically to ourselves. Even the beach dweller Ben had moved along. As we were walking along, I could swear that I was hearing the theme song from Local Hero. Maybe it was because of those three pints of real ale from the night before or the funny wind coming in off the bay. Wrong and wrong. Laurie had recorded the song on her Blackberry and had started the music. What a feeling. It was perfect. Me - I have trouble turning on the BB so how she was able to set this up was beyond me. But, it is no real wonder really. Looking back, here was the girl in grade 12 at Banting High School in Alliston Ontario who in 1978 won the General Proficiency awards in French, Latin and of all things, computer science. Bet you did not know that.

 

Good night from Oxford Station -

 

Mark

Arriving From Halifax and Laurie's first few days

 July 26, 2011 (Tuesday)

Good morning / afternoon / evening everyone -

The story of Laurie's fight appears to be reaching many people. I do not think that the news has gone viral (can text go viral?) yet but there has been interested readership from around the globe. From Iceland to Australia and from Japan to the Belcher Islands, people have kindly sent me their wishes of hope and for Laurie's speedy recovery. Most of you have included wonderful adjectives in describing Laurie's character which makes me feel confident that she will soon be back on her feet. Many, if not most of you, who are receiving this, and those who receive it indirectly, are pretty busy folks. So, while sitting with a very sleepy Laurie today I was thinking of how to structure the notes so that you find it them easier to read. The easiest thing was to remove the scrolling aspect to reach the current news. This simply meant putting today's news at the top. This certainly helps if you are one of those people at a conference in Australia, say, who are checking the BlackBerry or iPhone during the session breaks while drinking coffee and eating Lamingtons.

I would like to be able to actually create a "real" blog but I have never found the time to learn how to do this. I guess that having a blog allows for conversation between the readers. In addition, photos could be shown without having to open attachments. I have a vision that most of the blog creators have a 3 cm by 3 cm "beard" between their lower lip and chin (whereas my beard is full), drink copious amounts of caffeine from a trendy cafe (but never order anything to eat) and wear their pants around their knees. Their blogs are created on colourful computers with names that I have never heard of. They have also learned to blog in a matter of a few days, or hours, and without the need to read "Blogs for Dummies" (as a iBook of course). Maybe my time is better spent fixing that garage door and simply sending out an email.

I arrived at the Civic Hospital about 09:25 feeling hopeful that today would be a good day for Laurie. Her surgery ended about 14:15 on July 24th so she was really just 43 hours out of the OR. Some football games and traffic jams seem to last that long. On arriving in the Neurological Sciences Observation Area Laurie was lying still, face up and breathing quietly. She woke up and we said our hellos but it was not long after that she closed her eye and drifted off again. I say "eye" because she had only the right eye to open. Her left eye, including the eye lashes, was completely swollen over. A rainbow of colour surrounded her eye from the brow to perhaps 3 cms below where her bottom eye lid would likely normally be. The puffiness about the left temple had not seemingly decreased since the twelve hours that I had last seen her. Again, assurances from the staff were given that "this" was normal for patients during the road to recovery. Well, I guess that roads do go up and they go down. This was a steep 1:10 decent in my view. I was expecting some progress, not this. I asked what I could do and was tasked with being the "ice man". This entailed making and putting an ice-pack on Laurie's eye and temple area for about 10-15 minutes each hour. This suited me just fine. I was given a short course in where to find things (ice and bags) and how to ensure that the ice stayed in the bag during application. I guess that inexperienced ice men in the past have ended up giving cold facial washes to those that they were supposed to be tending to. So, I learned how to apply the cold treatment correctly.

Hours went by with Laurie generally sleeping and me trying to put the pack on her head so that it would reduce the swelling while avoiding covering her nose and mouth at the same time. Some progress was made in the physical movement area though. Going to the bathroom is now a walk of four or five meters assisted at all times of course. Before the walk can take place, she must be unhooked of whatever she has attached. Fortunately, this is now only the infamous "squeezer". The IV lines, the BP lines and the oxygen tubes have now been removed. This is much to her satisfaction as she can now fidget without setting off some noisy alert signal. Typically, this noise was attributed to the blood oxygenl sensor falling off or one of her IV lines getting pinched (to no fault of her own she insisted). Hopefully, these delicate pieces of necessity are no longer necessary. Back to the squeezer. As part of my bathroom chauffeur service I learned how to disconnect the squeezer from her legs. Not removing these tubes would result in her staggering to the bathroom while pulling a bed big enough to hold a 227 Kg person (really - that is what the label on the bed shows). More importantly though is the technique required to connect the lines back up once she is resituated in the bed. So, I have mastered this. I am wondering if most hospital tasks are really this rudimentary - some common sense and attention is a good start to performing the work without the head nurse coming down on you.

Lunch was somewhat non-adventurous and she did a superb job in keeping her gown food free. Back to bed with the hourly ice treatment and BP and temperature readings about every four hours. Vital signs look good, very good in fact. The guy across the hall had his monitor such that I could see the readings from my bedside chair. Wow. I would like to have those sorts of numbers but in a bank account! All sorts of people are in the NOA. Some are awaiting neurological surgery, other are recuperating from it. One person, and I believe that I overheard this correctly, had been in there for nearly four months.  Remarkably, many of patients here could have been models for Edvard Munch, especially the older ones. Take notice if you are ever in this type of ward. Laurie has even looked a little like one of his characters but she also has had a Mona Lisa type of smile at times too.

Our conversations seemed to happen as Laurie's would awake and say something like "I have been working 30 minutes now and I can not clean that Excel file". Really. You can see her mind at work while she is resting and the expressions on her face constantly moving. She seems to smile much more than frown which is a positive thing. What she says she can not explain if I ask her about it. Today, she did know that we are in the year 2011 and that the day was 26 and that the month was also 26. Well, two out of three is pretty good at this stage. She does say the strangest things and even the nurses have to smile.

Dinner was about 17:15. The tray sat for perhaps 15 minutes as one of my ice packs had just been professionally applied and I did not want to ruin the results of my labour. Besides, the dinners come pretty hot as they have been cooked in a 20,000 watt microwave and the food does need to cool. Last night, Laurie went one-on-one with the Salisbury Steak and met the challenge. Tonight though she opened the plastic lid to face the Shepard's Pie ("calling Pathology to the Kitchen...."). She made an admirable effort at getting through most of it as I kept telling her that she "needed to eat for strength, eat for strength". This also resulted in there not being enough left-over for me to consider eating. Oh well. Tapioca pudding for afters along with tea made her content.

Visitors leave the ward around 19:00 and can return after 20:00 which I do punctually. Just after 20:00 she was as I saw her at 09:30 but amazingly her left eye was opening. It was like watching the moon's waxing crescent surface in a purple and blue Arizona sky on a frosty March evening. The lids on her eyes had separated and the crescent of her eye rose to greet me. She was extremely pleased as I certainly was. I can not help but think that I had been rewarded by my diligent efforts as the "ice man". 

Good night from Oxford Station -

Mark

======

July 25, 2011 (Monday)

Good evening / morning everyone -

Some of you know that Laurie has recently been ill and for some of you, this will be news. I apologize that not all of her colleagues and friends were not all made aware of her situation at the same time. Laurie's circle of friends is wide ranging. Over the course of nearly 20 years at the Canadian Museum of Nature, her membership in nature and wildlife associations and clubs, her new found interest in Toast Masters International, her second career at Memorial University in St. John's, her studies at Ottawa University and at McGill and those who know her as my partner in life, she has made friends from around the world. I have tried to find email addresses for many of these people to inform you of what is happening.

I do not know if this is a blog since I don't think that I have ever "blogged" and feel that I maybe too old to do such things. Word does travel at light speed now and many of you have sent me messages of support for Laurie and myself. Some of you have called, so many that the mail-box is often full. Some of you have kindly offered me accommodation in Ottawa rather than making the trek back and forth to Oxford Station. I sincerely thank you for your thoughts and kind offers. 

I have decided to send an update on some regularity to you. I hope that these updates will not continue long into the future. This would be a good sign that Laurie is home and recuperating from her July journey. If you feel that you would like to pass along these notes to others who know Laurie but who were not on this mailing list then please do so.

I would ask that should you or others want to communicate with us then please do so using the home e-mail address. (remove ampersand 64 and insert at symbol, ed.) It will be several days before Laurie leaves the neurology area so I expect that her recovery will be gradual. I will convey messages to her but replying may be somewhat delayed. In terms of you visiting Laurie I would request that you please hold on a little longer until she is stable and physically able to enjoy your company. I will let you know when this will be.

Thank you all for your messages of concern and prayers. I want to say a special merci to Frederique for calling here and wishing us "bon courage". These are powerful words indeed.

Having a telephone by your bed at night makes for a light sleep. The only call that I might receive would be for bad news from the hospital. No phone rang which was a big relieve so the day looked promising. Into the hospital a little later than I wanted to be as it was a weekday and yes, Ottawa does have a rush-hour! Arrived to see Laurie about 09:30. She was holding a cup of tea up - the last item of her breakfast. She had come out of the operating room under the anesthetic which had gradually faded over the night to the point that she was sitting up and moving a little in bed. She knew me as I walked in and we both smiled and hugged. I think that I had the tears of joy but also of what may lie ahead for her.

Laurie does not know that she has had a brain tumor operation. She thinks that the bandages, gauze, and things that were used to reattach a part of her skull is some kind of hat.  I have not tried to tell her what she has recently gone through. Although she does communicate, it is not at the level where she will understand the meaning of her being where she is and everything that she has endured. We spent the day together. As many of you know, Laurie likes to take notes....for just about anything. The house is full of field note books, large calendar format note books and assorted diaries. I feel compelled to record her journey with notes. So, I have a small red binder with about ten written pages of notes so far. Coincidentally enough, this binder looks like those that doctors carry around. Needless to say that I don't need to open many doors throughout the hospital complex.   

Laurie will one day read these notes and learn what happened to her in July of 2011. The seriousness of her ordeal can never be appreciated in the notes. The notes are intended to be non-fiction and tell her story through my eyes and ears and the various conversations that I have had with staff and other visitors. There are various statistics written for her vital signs but this would be expected of me.

Returning to this day -

The morning went by with the usual visits by her nurse in the neurological sciences observation area. This entailed putting things back into Laurie's body that had mysteriously loosened or fallen out entirely. Some routine events took place but no visit by the doctor was scheduled until the evening. Her vital signs were healthy and she seemed to not be experiencing any pain....except in her legs. There is a machine, probably better termed a piece of medical equipment, which squeezes the legs and the feet on a constant cycle using air pressure. There are various plastic tubes attached to a pump at one end and hockey-like shin and thigh pads on her legs. A a pair of 'special' socks completes the ensemble. This device helps to maintain blood flow in her legs and feet since she is not using these and there is some possibility of blood clotting. This is somewhat akin to being in a long-haul flight where you sit for hours before standing up and finding out that your legs have left you. But how many four or five day flights are there? This stuff must be very uncomfortable to wear and she does not fully know why she has these things on. As well, she can not really see what is behind the regular puffing up of the blankets around the lower part of her body. It must be a very strange sensation.

Lunch arrived and Laurie ate a pretty good part of it. Some soup, salad, veggie lasagna, juice, tea and diced peaches. She more or less independently ate after I cut things into smaller pieces. She called the lasagna "pizza strips" and asked if we had pizza at home. She laughed at this. Whatever she did not eat went to a good cause - me. I bring a bag of things from home for her that I leave in the car not knowing what she might need or want and when the request might be made. I do bring in her small kit bag with her toothbrush, lotions, lip balms and what not. The hospital is very dry and she remains on oxygen which creates a higher level of dryness as well.  After a time with the toothbrush, she settled down and rested for much of the afternoon. Some courtesy calls from the nurse but we spent much of the time just being together.

Dinner was, not surprisingly, the next major event of the day. Again Laurie ate what she wanted and could. She was quite tired at this point after what was pretty much a full day for her. I didn't think that one could still buy Salisbury steak but hospitals apparently can. So, that was the main course along with some beans and what was reported as being 'scalloped potato'. Juice and chocolate pudding and tea as well. She ate quite a bit considering that until today, her last real meal was sometime last Thursday in Halifax. l once again helped to produce clean dinnerware after Laurie was finished her supper. 

Before dinner I noticed that the left side of her face was becoming quite swollen and that her left eye was closing. This swelling continued and I asked specifically that the doctor take a look at this. He was to call about 19:00. I get very nervous and frustrated when I see Laurie in difficulty but the staff does not convey any sense of urgency. Some casual explanation is produced but nothing really 'medical' is done. The doctor did arrive and took a look. 'Yes', he agreed that there was swelling but that is not unexpected and would go away with ice, or heat. Strange...these are quite different approaches I thought. The natural choice of ice was made. I was asked to leave the room for an hour so that Laurie's nurses made the day-night shift and other things were to take place. This time allows me to get outside the hospital and check voice and e-mails and to warm up a little (the hospital is quite cool). One can not use electronic gadgets from within the hospital for safety reasons.

Back just 20:00 and an ice pack wrapped in a towel was being used to hopefully reduce the swelling. Laurie seemed to take all this in stride whereas I almost cried. I don't know why but the entire scene was pretty heavy after an emotional day. We sat together until about 20:45 when we said our eveing good-byes. She was very tired and I think wanted to get some rest. 

It is late now as I end this summary of our lives from today. The telephone has not rung so that is a good sign that she is asleep and everything is deemed to be OK. Tomorrow is another day which I feel will come awfully early. Some rain is forecasted and the temperature is supposed to be a little cooler tomorrow. I don't know if I will really notice. 

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July 24, 2011 (Sunday)

Hello everyone -

I would like to thank you all for writing to Laurie recently to ask how she was doing. I spoke a little with Frederique yesterday but here is Laurie's current situation.

Last Thursday (July 21st) Laurie arrived home a little later than expected from the Ottawa airport. She seemed quiet and quite tired. She went to bed early. Friday morning she looked very tired and she told me that she would not go to work that day which was understandable given her past busy week or two. When I arrived home about 18:20 on Friday, she appeared not to have moved....the tea was still there and the curtains were drawn. I asked her what she had done that day and she said that she had not gotten out of bed.

I decided then to take her to the local hospital in Kemptville which is about a 15 minute drive. We were given immediate attention and a doctor came in to see Laurie. I had some notion that her memory was not very good at this point. This was confirmed by the doctor. After maybe 45 minutes of examination, the doctor said that we were to go to the Civic Hospital in Ottawa. Laurie went with the paramedics in the ambulance and I followed by car. About 40 minutes later Laurie was in the emergency triage area and soon seen by the neurologist who had spoken with the doctor in Kemptville. Laurie was then put into an observation area bed for the night. At 03:00 (Saturday) she had a CT scan. At 11:00 she had an RMI. I sat with her and cried.

Laurie was very ill. The two tests confirmed that she had a large growth on the left-side of her brain. This accounted for her difficulty in speaking and in remembering. The lesion or tumor would be operated on very soon. She was admitted to a neurological patient area and spent Saturday night there.

I arrived on Sunday morning about 08:45. The head of neurology made a visit and then told me that she would be operated on immediately. This meant about two hours later after the operating room would become available. Laurie's operation lasted about 3.25 hours. She has come out of the operation quite well although it is still very early in the battle. I spent about six hours with her in the post-survey recovery room where she was given excellent nursing. After having a follow-up CT scan, Laurie is now back in the room where she spent Saturday night. She was still very quiet when I left her about 21:40 but she has good vital signs and seemed to be somewhat aware of her surroundings. I will be seeing her first thing tomorrow.