Welcome!

Laurie had a serious brain lesion that was surgically removed on July 24, 2011. It was uncertain exactly what the disease was and to me, these days were really the fight for her life. After the surgery, Laurie spent two weeks in an Ottawa, Ontario hospital. This period was full of events relating directly to her and to other patients and aspects going on in the hospital during her stay. Laurie came home on Friday, August 5th, 2011. Since being at home, events have settled into a routine but not without the ups and downs of recuperating with a rare brain tumour. Her story is one of hope, struggle, patience and above all, courage. The current update is presented at the top of the page with her day-by-day story presented from the bottom upwards.
This story also has pictures of Laurie. She is a woman of many interests and dimensions. She and I love to travel and September has been our favourite time of year to do so. The trips taken over the past six or seven years have seen us in places like western and central Scotland, Iceland, the Faroe Islands, New Zealand, Australia, Cape Breton, Charlevoix, Ireland and to Newfoundland a couple of times. The first things that Laurie always packs are her plant press, silica gel bags, binoculars, loupe, botany reference books, bird books, hiking books, note books and always a good raincoat. If there is any room left she packs some clothes. You can usually recognize her at the airport because she is one with three or four layers of clothing on.

Thursday 20 December 2012

Where the Grass is Greener



It is with a broken heart and tear-swollen eyes that I pass along the news of Laurie's passing on December 18th, 2012. Laurie left this earth and everything that she loved on it in my arms at 11:45 p.m. at the Kemptville District Hospital. Quiet, soft slowly descending snow fell as Laurie's hazel-coloured eyes closed and she began a journey to where the grass is greener.  She was a truly wonderful partner and positive person who was taken all too soon from us. Her courage and strength all through life was remarkable. I would like to think that she had lived a fulfilling life in her almost 53 years and it is so sad to think that she passed away in the prime of her life. I would like to thank everyone of you who have followed Laurie's illness and sent us good wishes, flowers, cards, gifts and thoughts of recovery and visited us at our home and in hospitals over the last 17 months. Many people located around the globe knew Laurie and it is touching to know that so many friends and colleagues have travelled along what was hopefully Laurie's road to recovery. Another posting will be made towards the end of January when I may be able to provide some final thoughts on Laurie's brave journey.

An announcement will be made when there will be a memorial service for Laurie. At this time I would think that the service will be held in downtown Ottawa sometime between late March and mid April, 2013. There will an obituary in the Ottawa Citizen and the Globe and Mail likely within a week.

Laurie really like the Christmas season and I have posted three holiday period photos of Laurie enjoying this period. It was a time when Laurie really seemed to put her work aside for a week or two and enjoy the snow and relaxation here at our home. I know that Laurie would join me in wishing everyone the best over the Christmas season.

Mark

A note from Laurie's sister:

Siblings sometimes take each other for granted and forget the little words and gestures to let each other know how much one is cherished.  Please, make sure you let everyone you love know just how special they are to you this holiday season and throughout the year.   Thank you for being a part of my sisters life.   Her love of life was boundless, and encompassed us all.

Lisa

Monday 3 December 2012

Hazel joins Darwyn




Laurie's health since the last update two weeks ago does not appear to have decreased very much. It seems that her significant decline a couple of weeks ago has now levelled out. This "stepwise" decrease is associated with her disease. Apparently, the next step of decrease could involve her ability to eat or to walk. Her eating is generally fine now but her walking is very challenging. She does have physiotherapy each weekday to help with walking and to do some isometric exercises from her chair in the room. I have spoken with two other doctors about their views on Laurie's situation and both indicated essentially what I have been hearing from other doctors who have treated Laurie. That is, nothing can really be done for Laurie except make her as comfortable as possible. Laurie was to have an MRI in December and I need to make a decision on whether this should go ahead. She would travel in an ambulance from Kemptville to Ottawa for the MRI scan. Although this is my decision to make I did ask the doctors for their thoughts. Collectively, they feel that the MRI would cause Laurie anxiety and stress and that there really is no real value in having one done. I feel that I should be doing as much as possible for Laurie but the doctors say that I already have. The issue of "quality of life" has been discussed and having Laurie undergo another MRI is not adding to this important element. 

There is a local hospice in the community and three weekday mornings we have a volunteer coming to the room. They come about 08:45 and will stay up to a few hours. They have some training and seem very nice and caring. While they are visiting I can head out and do errands. Once Laurie is out of bed and sitting in her chair it is important that someone be there with her. I am now there before 08:00 and stay to between 21:00 and 22:00 although I can leave for a few hours in the afternoon if Laurie is sleeping. Laurie has two very nice baths each week. There is a special room with a highly engineered bathtub. The tub looks like a bob sled or some type of interplanetary travelling vehicle. It has a various features such as a tilt, whirlpool and water temperature controls. There is a shower head on a hose that is used to wash the hair. I saw this function for the first time today. Laurie is somewhat anxious about getting into the tub. She requires the assistance of the nurse of course. Once she is in the tub she seems to enjoy the session. It would be nice to think that Laurie could have more of these baths each week but nursing resources being what they are not all wishes come true.

There are many nurses in the ward. My estimate is between eight and eleven. I now know most of their names and also their approach to taking care of Laurie. The majority are very good but I feel that there is some room for improvement with a few. At least once a week I take in a box of Timbits for the nursing staff. They seem to appreciate this and it is the least that I can do besides bestow my thanks when they do help Laurie with the daily requirements of washing, toileting, giving her warm blankets and fresh linen and getting her pills to me. There is a nursing call button in the room which usually results in the appearance of a nurse within a few minutes. There have been some occasions though when I have had to ring the button a second time since no one came after ten minutes. This is something that I find frustrating and hope will improve.  The nurses find Laurie to be very likeable. They like her warm smile and her naturally curly hair. They must also appreciate the fact that Laurie is not a demanding patient. Laurie continues to pocket some fluids but not as much as last week. She is not able to spit out the toothpaste and water after having her teeth brushed which is a source of frustration. I usually brush her teeth and give her some water to rinse, which she does, but she simply holds everything in her mouth. It has taken 15 minutes some nights before the water is released using the toothbrush as a sort of probe.

December 1 2012

We had a few visitors over the past two weeks which was nice. There are now two nice sun catchers of the crystal variety hanging in front of Laurie's large window. She does like these things and I have noticed her watching them. They look especially nice in the sun but this has disappeared for the past few days. As well, Laurie and Darwyn have a new 24/7 friend. It is a very soft and cute bunny who came to us as Aesop. However, Laurie had a very difficult time pronouncing the name so the bunny is now named "Hazel". Hazel was one of the rabbits in the book "Watership Down" written by Richard Adams in 1972 that we have both read. Hazel is also the colour of Laurie's eyes. Although Hazel was a male rabbit in the book, he was very brave and a very good thinker. I believe that most of the rabbits in the book were male except one. Thanks to Wikipedia's listing of characters in the book,  the only female rabbit was named Hyzenthlay....hard for most people to pronounce so Hazel it is. I think that up until today Laurie was able to say the name "Hazel" when she played with her. Today, Laurie spoke very little - perhaps only five or six words. I think that the warm bath makes Laurie more tired and this may have accounted for her being quite quiet. However, it could also be the tumour that is further impacting her ability to talk.

The week ahead should bring some warmer temperatures in the high range of 5C to 11C. This will give us an opportunity to go outside in the wheelchair for a little while for fresh air and the sounds of outdoors. Laurie really seems to enjoy these outdoor stays and is watching everything that is moving. Her curiosity is still there but I really wonder what is comprehended from her eye movements. Laurie continues to watch television but I do not know what she is perceiving from this. Is there any difference in her cognition between watching a cooking show and a football game? I know that she has watched, as I have, the same cooking show three or four times. She seems equally interested in them all which seems to indicate that she is simply watching movement and hearing sounds but not understanding the dialogue or content.

Although the days seem to be very much like one another I look forward to the next morning when I go and see her. Sometimes she is still sleeping or is in bed playing with Darwyn or Hazel. On occasion, the nurses have gotten Laurie up, washed her and she is sitting watching television when I arrive. There is very much a routine to the days but that does not mean they are not special. Each day, each hour and each minute is special whether Laurie is awake in bed or sleeping, watching television, eating, sitting outside or listening to some music. I do not know how Laurie feels or what she is thinking with my being there by her side. This is all that I can do for her - to touch and hold her and to do whatever I can to give her as much quality to her life as I can. This is something that I tried to do over the last 18 years being with Laurie but it seems much more meaningful now.

Monday 19 November 2012

Laurie and Darwyn



I would like to begin this update by thanking those persons who have come to see Laurie and I and to those who have written words of sympathy, hope and best wishes. I am reading your notes to Laurie. I would also like to thank those who have brought flowers for Laurie and food down for me. I am not cooking with the same level of effort or enthusiasm that I did when Laurie was at home so having some ready to go meals is much appreciated. It has now been two weeks since Laurie entered the Kemptville District Hospital (KDH). The ward that she is on is quite small and I know of at least 10 rooms available for palliative care. Laurie's room is quite nice and is perhaps one of the nicest in the area. There is only one room past hers which means that not a lot of people traffic goes by her room. Some rooms have multiple patients which Laurie experienced in the Ottawa hospital stays. Not exactly ideal so I am thankful that Laurie is quite comfortably situated in a quieter room.

Laurie's health over the last week has not really changed. It was the first week there that she took a dramatic turn for the worse. Generally, the days are quite similar now. I am getting to the KDH by 08:00 now and have bought a monthly parking pass. This allows me to come and go whenever I wish and is much more economical than paying parking for each visit. It is much more convenient as well. Laurie is sleeping when I arrive and she looks comfortable. Darwyn is always close by her. I let her sleep though breakfast arrives between 08:00 and 08:30. When she shows sign of waking up I open the curtains and gently help to wake her. I call the nurse to help Laurie with the bathroom visit. It really takes two persons now to help Laurie since her walking, balance and sitting are not very strong.  I leave the room so that the nurse can assist Laurie to prepare for the day. The bathroom is a private one in the room and is quite nicely equipped with shower, toilet and sink. I get the breakfast ready for her return to the room.

Laurie has breakfast and her other meals while sitting in a nice chair. I prepare her meals for her but she often likes to take the spoon from me and eat herself. The same goes for drinking.  Breakfast can take quite a while. Laurie often eats everything given plus some Greek yogurt that I have brought in. The little refrigerator is now filling up with a variety of things to supplement Laurie's hospital foods.  After breakfast and the pills, we watch television. Laurie seems to enjoy the Food Network and she watches intently all of the shows, some of which are really quite interesting. Hopefully, I will be a better cook after watching these programs.

We stand up from sitting about each hour or so. I help Laurie with this as she can not do this on her own. The lunch usually arrives just after twelve. I selected the menu for both lunch and dinner while the breakfast was delivered. I choose the hot lunch since Laurie has difficulty with eating sandwiches of any kind. There are also pills and vitamins for lunch which are crushed and I mix into whatever food seems most appropriate to do so. I think that the majority of pills have a bitter taste so putting them in jam or apple sauce or yogurt seems to hide some of the taste. Lunch is typically a slow process but Laurie seems to enjoy the meals and there is a good variety of menus.  After lunch I call the nurse to help Laurie with the bathroom routine and also to get her into bed for an afternoon rest. Typically Laurie is in bed and falling asleep by 13:30. I stay with her until she and Darwyn are asleep.

Perhaps the most difficult times for me at the hospital are in seeing that the majority of the other patients are much older than Laurie....perhaps in their late 60s and 70s. There is a different ward for those persons who are older. The other hard time is when I see Laurie walking. She requires assistance as her balance is not steady. She moves very slowly but she works hard with the physiotherapists when they take her down the corridor. I see a lot of determination in her eyes although this must be so very difficult for her. She continues to have unbelievable courage and I know that my efforts would not be so motivated.

Over the years, Laurie and I have spent a lot of time walking and climbing. We have climbed the highest mountains in Vermont (Mansfield at 1,339 m), New Hampshire (Washington at 1,917 m) and in New York state (Marcy at 1,629 m). We have walked many kilometers of trail in Ontario and Quebec and in the New York state Adirondacks and New England Appalachians. Laurie has climbed Ben Nevis, the highest peak in the British Isles at 1,344 m and Slaettaratindur at 882 m which is the highest mountain in the Faroe Islands. She climbed Newfoundland's second highest peak (Gros Morne at 807 m) as well. No wonder we felt so tired getting back from our holidays! So, to now see Laurie trying to walk as best as she can down the corridor is really heartbreaking.

I leave the KDH for a few hours after Laurie is having her afternoon nap. I do some shopping in Kemptville if required and then return home for a while. I am doing her laundry every two days so that she has a nice fresh supply of day clothes and pyjamas. When I arrived back in the afternoon one day this week Laurie's (and Darwyn's) blanket from home was missing. This is a special blanket that one of our friends passed along to us. It has an embroidered moose on it and it very soft and warm. Being white the staff doing the laundry just took it and tossed it in with the other items to be laundered. I was able to retrieve the blanket and gave it a good wash at home before returning it. The afternoon time has also given me a chance to get the cars and the outside of the house ready for our winter. So far we have had no snow but the temperatures are now starting to fall into the minus Celsius level at night.

The drive between the KDH and home is usually 12 minutes unless I hit rush hour and the trip takes a minute or two longer.  I leave the house to drive back to the hospital by 16:15 arriving well in advance of her dinner. Laurie seems to have a good appetite for dinner as well. I tend to cleanup whatever may be left on the plate since I do not eat dinner until I return home. I do have a snack however while at home in the afternoon. After dinner we watch more TV with the Food Network being the channel of choice. We take a little walk between shows so that Laurie can look down the hallway to see what might be happening. Usually it is pretty quiet as others are probably watching TV too at that time.  Between 20:30 and 21:00 the nurse arrives to help with getting Laurie ready for bed.  I stay with Laurie in the room as she is falling asleep. Sometimes she is not quite ready for bed so she watches TV from her bed for a little while. By 21:30 she is typically almost asleep.

I have come to know and like most of the nurses attending to Laurie. There seems to be many nurses and it is infrequent that the same nurse attends to Laurie on more than two or three twelve hour shifts per week. The bad experience I had with the very first nurse seems to be behind us now. I still find some inconsistency in Laurie's care that should not be there. This can apply to some nurses not bringing the pills at the correct time or not knowing that pills should be prepared. Sometimes the pills arrive whole instead of being crushed. I administer all of Laurie's pills since I have the time and the nurses always seem to be ten minutes behind in something. Most nurses have told me that they appreciate the time I spend with Laurie which results in her being somewhat of a low maintenance patient for the nursing staff. The doctor drops by each day, or is supposed to, to see how things are going. They rotate each Friday for a week's work in the palliative care ward. One day this week I asked the doctor about the results of Laurie's blood test for her dilantin level. He said that it had not come back but he would let me know. He actually called me later in the day and we talked on the telephone about the results which were OK. So, generally good nursing and doctoring for now but I am still apprehensive about things.

Laurie's sister has come up twice to the KDH. It is very good to have her here and I really appreciate the extra time it allows me outside of the hospital. Logistically, it can be difficult for her to get here since she works in retail. As well, the drive is about five and one-half hours if the weather and the roads are in good shape. She is currently sitting with Laurie as I am at home writing this update.

For those that regularly check the blog, my intention is to post updates about every two weeks now and include some current pictures.

Please keep thinking of Laurie and arrange a visit with me should you be in the area.

Wednesday 7 November 2012

long way home

Laurie's brain tumour is classified as a Grade IV glioblastoma multiforme. When this diagnosis was made by the pathologist in July of 2011, it was communicated to us that it is a serious illness. Although various treatments can be applied, the full recovery from such a brain tumour is rare. Since the last update about two months ago, Laurie's health has deteriorated significantly. This was especially the situation over the last ten or so days. Over the past couple of months we have met with the radiation oncologist, the chemotherapy oncologist, the surgeon and her GP on a number of occassions. Laurie had two MRIs that showed tumour progression to the right side of the brain and along the ventricles. The prognosis for Laurie was not very good.
 
On Friday, November 2nd, 2012, I took Laurie into the Kemptville District Hospital (KDH) for a stay in the out-patients area. The plan was that I would get some rest and that Laurie's condition could be better assessed over a long period of time. On Wednesday, November 7th Laurie was to return home. However, this will not be the situation. Laurie's is now in the palliative care ward of the KDH under the recommendation of the chemotherapy oncologist and her GP. In speaking with the GP this morning, I was told that Laurie would pass away in her room at the hospital. There is nothing that anyone can do for Laurie at this point. In the Fall 2012 issue of Brainstorm (a newsletter of the Brain Tumour Foundation of Canada), there is a parallel story of a man with the same disease. His glioblastoma was detected in January of  2011 and he died in early May of 2012. He was only 24 years of age. Although no one involved in Laurie's health care has told me how long she may live I suspect that it will not be very much longer. She is barely able to walk and can not walk unless escorted. She is eating a little although this is a slow process and one that requires direct assistance. She has no cognitive abilities that I can report on but she does smile when I arrive in the mornings to see her. Her focus seems to be on a television channel although she is likely not able to comprehend the program.
 
Laurie has a single room which is comfortably equipped. Her large window faces south which is the direction of Oxford Station. The surrounding environment seems quite peaceful for the most part. She is quite tired and sleeps after lunch until late afternoon. I try and arrive about 11:00 and help with her lunch. I stay with her until she is ready for a sleep. I return in the evenings after dinner until she turns in. 
 
If you are in the area you may visit with Laurie at the KDH. She is on the second floor in room 109. Do not expect Laurie to indicate any recognition or to communicate. She will be tired but hopefully will be able to sense your being there with her. This update is on the short side since I really can not say anything more than I have.  Thanks to those of you who have continued to read the blog and for your thoughts of Laurie and I. I know that she would appreciate this very much.
 
Mark 
 

Tuesday 4 September 2012

Long weekends and road trips


Long weekends are not what they used to be.  While we were both working, long weekends gave us the opportunity to take a road trip out of town for a few days or stay at home and work around the place. Now, long weekends typically mean that the home-care scheduler has to be rearranged and this typically results in a reduction of home-care hours for the shortened week. I have managed to obtain another two hours per week for home-care which is good. This additional time should result in less stress in getting home from Ottawa on Mondays and will allow me to do some shopping on Saturday which was virtually impossible to do with one hour.
Laurie's situation appears to me to by more-or-less stable and has not changed much since the last update. She did have a good MRI taken on August 8th. This MRI has a long time in coming but contrast was injected which resulted in better images being taken compared to the last time. The MRI report indicates that lesion has decreased in size but also that there is some enhancement or progression of the disease in a different area of the brain. In meeting with the oncologist in August, he felt that Laurie should continue with chemotherapy and that another MRI should be done in October. Laurie did complete her August five day chemotherapy cycle alright. We meet with the surgeon in mid-September to review Laurie's situation in general and her MRI in particular.
Laurie's speech pathologist is continuing to come to the home every two weeks. She and Laurie work for about 90 minutes on a variety of exercises to help Laurie regain some of her brain functionality. Laurie's ability to convey her thoughts remains a large challenge. I can not report much progress myself but others who visit on occasion have noted some improvement. Physically, Laurie is doing better over time. The length of our walks have increased as well as the frequency. We are getting out and about more often as well. Her strength and balance is improving but it is still important that she carries her cane with her outside. There are times during some days where she is quite confused about things. I am not sure why some days are better than others in terms of cognitive abilities.
The nurse is coming now once per month to check Laurie over and we usually see the GP once every two months. Laurie's dilantin level is being checked every two weeks and her dosage has remained the same for quite some time now. In the past, this dilantin dosage was a real issue.  Laurie needs to rest almost every day and this is partly due to the interrupted sleep the night before. Usually a nap of an hour to 90 minutes occurs in the mid to late afternoon. This gives me some time to fiddle around with my backyard project or catch up on other things outside. I did buy a new and bigger chainsaw for the tree clean-up which is progressing along alright. I received a DVD on "Chainsaw techniques and maintenance" which, for some reason, Laurie is not really interested in watching.  We do watch about one hour of TV each day - usually something that we have on a DVD. Although an avid reader before the operation in July 2011, Laurie is not engaged in books and only really looks at magazines and local papers. She can read the text but she does not have the ability to absorb and recall what she has read. This is something that I find is very difficult.  I continue with giving Laurie  verbal queues for her to pronounce something. Once a small queue is given she is usually able to say the word.
Since the last update we have had visitors over which Laurie seems to appreciate. A couple of our nearby friends brought over some frozen and fresh foods which was very nice of them. Our last visitors kindly brought lunch with them so that Laurie and I enjoyed some different food. It was a nice change for me in that I did not need to think about what lunch would be and then prepare it. Not a big deal in the scheme of things but little things like lunch being provided make a bigger difference now. The emails that continue to arrive from those thinking of Laurie are appreciated as well.
As I write this, I must note that Laurie started her radiation treatments on September 1, 2011. The "advent" calendar is still on the refrigerator door and Laurie does look at it sometimes. It is indeed important to remember the past as well as looking forward to the future. Septembers were usually our holiday period and this is something that I will especially miss. We have a combined air mile total of over 500,000 miles and with changes to the rules and regulations we must begin to use these miles or lose them. Good grief. It seems like some politician is now working with our air miles company. So, I am hopeful that Laurie will be well enough to someday resume travelling - at least to places in Canada. We do meet with a specialist related to Laurie's incontinence issue and I hope that something positive will come out of this. If this problem can be minimized then further travel becomes more of a possibility.
Laurie is having a cat-nap now and I am about to begin making one of my "comfort" dinners that Laurie quite enjoys (see "recipe" below). I like it too because there is lots of left-overs which makes future meal preparation quick. We are eating lots of salads, especially the Greek, and also one using spinach and arugula. The BBQ is used about twice a week now and I guess that I am becoming a better chef as I seem to be dropping less food through the BBQ grill (and onto the deck too). I appear to have mastered the BBQing of mini potatoes which Laurie is very keen on. It is good to see her eat and enjoy her meals. 
In summary, it seems that the summer has been good to Laurie and I. Although some issues continue - like difficulty in sleeping at night - Laurie's health has not appeared to decrease. I would report her as being stable in many respects with some improvements in others. I am hopeful that the surgeon will be able to give us a positive interpretation of the last MRI. Please keep your positive thoughts and prayers for Laurie coming as our favourite season of autumn arrives.
"Comfort Dinner" Recipe - basically reminiscent of your macaroni and beef and toss in whatever you have lying about in the cupboard. Fry one large onion and in another pan fry about 500-600 gm of lean ground beef. When the onions are done add to the ground beef. Add secret seasoning (i.e. Montreal steak spice). Add a 796 ml size can of chopped tomatoes, preferably organic (or fresh from your neighbour's garden). Cook two cups of 100 % whole wheat fusilli pasta to al dente. Add pasta to the pan with the other three ingredients. Add more secret spice according to taste. Cover and simmer on low heat from about 45 minutes. Serve in a warm bowl along with seasonable vegetables or a salad on the side. It's that easy and makes many servings. Enjoy.
Thank you for reading the update -
Mark

Monday 23 July 2012

BIG!

I mentioned the movie "The Big Year" in the update posted on July 13th. Well, Laurie and I watched the movie again last week and thoroughly enjoyed it. You pick up on things that you missed in the first viewing which makes the movie a little different in places. We both liked watching the film and I keep wondering exactly why I keep paying almost $80.00 a month for satellite TV.
Sunday, July 22nd, 2012 marked the one year date of Laurie's first brain operation. Between the symptoms first appearing at the CBA meeting in Halifax in July and the diagnosis made on July 23rd, the operation was quickly scheduled for Sunday, July 24, 2011. I remember looking at the MRI taken about 01:30 Saturday morning that showed the massive tumour and asked the doctor if Laurie would be alright. He said that he was not sure but that it did not look very good. That was the first time that I cried. The post-surgery pathology report was not very good either so I was very apprehensive then and to some extent I still am. This past twelve months has indeed been a "Big Year" for Laurie and myself. Big for many reasons. The tumour was been a life changing event for us. That alone makes it a Big Year. However, other reasons why the past year has been big is because of specific things. For instance, anxiety and concern has never been bigger than it has been. Big surprises have occurred in the hospitals and in some of the treatment sessions - some good and some (too many) not so good. A Big lack of quality sleep has affected us both for the past year. With the coming of the second operation in December, 2011, our lives were somewhat like a rerun of the July 2011 experience but significant differences are evident. The Big shock in December 2011 was the surgeon's view that Laurie would likely live for only a few months more. However, she would not be in pain during this time and I should try and make her as comfortable as possible at home. Some consolation I know but this was a terrible period for me - the waiting to see Laurie's physical and mental health decline. I kept rereading Desiderata which was posted on the refrigerator and thought of all the things that we wanted to do but had to put on hold. For how long I really did not know. This was a Big period of stress and anxiety and mind wandering thoughts about the present and the future. We had a Big amount of mail and deliveries to the house after Laurie's first and second surgeries. This helped Laurie in a number of ways knowing that her friends and colleagues around the globe were thinking and praying for her. Many of Laurie's colleagues at the Canadian Museum of Nature were a Big help in ensuring that Laurie remain on staff at the CMN during her illness and also in helping with all of the administrative paper work required. I wish to thank them for their contributions in making a difference to our lives. Many of the readers of this blog have also made an important influence along Laurie's Road to Recovery.
Laurie is thankfully still here with us and she continues with her monthly five day chemotherapy pills. In fact, she completed her seventh session on Saturday night. In celebration I cooked steaks on the BBQ. What is significant here is that this is the first BBQ we have had this year. I must be the last Canadian guy to get the BBQ fired up in 2012. Laurie enjoyed her steak and potatoes and cauliflower. She continues to eat well and I think that this has helped her physical recovery. We had another BBQ on Sunday night which was very kindly prepared by friends who drove down from the Ottawa area on Sunday to see us. This was really appreciated since it gave me a break from cooking. It also gave us some welcome variation on dinner. This is not the first instance of their generosity and I would like to thank them again for thinking of us.
Laurie's current recovery is more prolonged than after her first operation where I feel that progress was very good in contrast. Having a Big Year for us may mean that something important or marked happened in a single day. This could be Laurie saying something that she has not said in over one year for instance. It could be that she offered to dry the dishes one evening - something that comes out of the blue so to speak. The Big Year has had these Big moments but there have been days when I was unsure if I would make it through the day. Laurie is a very determined person which is great but it can be cause for concern too. It means that there needs to be a watchful eye on her throughout the day. Some things that have disappeared have been found but others remain hidden away somewhere. Laurie does not recall where she puts things so the important point is to ensure that nothing really important (like pills) is left out in the open.
Generally, our lives seem to be like the movie "Ground Hog Day" where each day is virtually identical or predictable to the next. Our days are certainly not like they were before Laurie became ill. It has been a very long and trying year and it is difficult to imagine that for some people our past year has been their way of life for many years. I remain somewhat nervous of Laurie's possibility of having another seizure although her medications taken since last February seem to be working alright. I do carry pills in the car along with water just in case there is a reoccurrence.  Being vigilant of things like this is really necessary and has become a second nature activity. We would like to travel on longer outings but this is not very realistic right now. I hope that a meeting in August with a specialist to review Laurie's incontinence issue will be beneficial. Solving this problem would certainly be a big improvement for both of us.
The careful administration of a variety of pills each day makes me wonder how long Laurie will need to continue taking them. For the moment, I guess that the time will be for an indefinite period. Through the past year Laurie has never questioned her situation with me. Perhaps it because she is not able to find the words to communicate her thoughts or that she is so determined to overcome this illness she is staying positive. She has at times been frustrated but not overly so. I have been the one with the tears and wondering about all of the "what ifs?" As we move on from the first anniversary of Laurie's operation into the second year I can only hope for Laurie's continued recovery. Her safety, happiness, health and well being are really all that I am concerned with. Whatever I can do will be done. We ask those of you who have been thinking of Laurie to continue to do so. The collective positive thoughts are appreciated.
I will endeavour to keep the postings relatively current and thank those for visiting and reading about Laurie's Road to Recovery. One of the comments recently written was very nice. It was made by a past student at McGill University who happened to reside next to Laurie in Laird Hall. She has written a paper for the Journal of Applied Microbiology and wanted to include Laurie as a coauthor due to her contributions. I believe that Laurie did assist with some aspects of the research but in a more helpful way as opposed to being an intended author. The paper entitled "Hydrocarbon degrading potential of microbial communities from Arctic plants" is hopefully not going to be Laurie's final contribution to science. The Arctic, Science, Research, Botany, Nature, Travel and  Curiosity in general ....this was Laurie's world and one that I wish every day that she can rejoin one step at a time.
DESIDERATA
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.